lemon blue

In an attempt to surprise grandmas for x-mas, I decided to bleach out all of my brown and blue hair and be a blonde again. I was planning on bleaching it all out to a light blonde and then maybe leaving it that way for a while. It needed a trim, it had lost all of its color and coolness and shape and I wanted a nice new look.

I used level 40 with a strong powder bleach kit (if you know about the beauty supply type of stuff this is the strongest there is) and slathered it all on. As the natural "roots" got blonder and blonder, the blue wasn't doing much of anything...wow...I have experimented with color since I was 18 years old and this was news to me. I let it sit and sit and the roots went as light as they should be allowed to and still, over 50% of my hair was blue, bu a lighter blue. A beautiful if I may so say, very special shade of light light blue which i have always wanted but you cant really buy (that i know of)

So I washed it out, deep conditioned it and cut it a bit. Yellow head with 1/2 minty blue. I was pretty mortified but as we had a family party to be at in a matter of hours, i dried it and curled it and slapped in a semi-festive red flower thingy with red earrings, held my blue and yellow head up high and went to the party.

I don't know what to do now. I could try to go for a light blue or let it grow and grow and keep cutting the blue off and remember that blue can be verrrry hard to remove. I could re dye it blue which would be really vibrant with these freshly bleached roots. Ideas?

Makeup talk-- feels so girly and forbidden!

Iam 32 years old and I have been wearing makeup since I was about 12. Crazy huh? Back then, i did it for fun, or because if you didn't have a little blue stripe under your eye it meant social death in my school or whatnot. I would get the occasional zit and spackle it and enjoyed choosing different lipsticks to go with my outfit. But I didn't feel like I NEEDED makeup until way, way later. Like after my third child.

Go ahead, call me whatever you want to call me. I'm a card carrying member of the third wave-- I read The Beauty Myth the day it came out and Ive gone 2 years without shaving before. Ive been there and done that from different decade-era styles to a seriously short lived period of au natural, dying my hair back to light brown, and eschewing even earrings and bras. (College, what can I say) Where I'm at now is just evening out, perking up, and doing it cheaply and quickly and I think wriitng about it will be of interest to my readers ;)

I think I am doing the world a favor, and certainly my own self esteem in presenting a face that looks like I feel inside. Because the person inside of me does not have grey lips, blotchy broken capillaries on her cheek, straight blonde eyelashes, or light purple sacks under her eyes. The person inside of me is cheery, rosy, sparkley, and yeah, I'm gonna say it, youthful.

So here is the makeup basics that I do to look like myself. I will start with the Wintertime/Bad skin version:

Pluck a few eyebrow hairs. After years spent overboard with that whole thin arch look I endured a long time of looking pretty freaky to have my eyebrows back. I shape a little to enhance the arch that I have which makes me look more awake and friendly and less neanderthal and cross.

Concealer on my zits and my blotches and my scars and my undereye circles.

Mix a tiny tiny amount of some basic beige foundation with some water to make a very translucent and thin wash of color-evening tone in the palm of my hand. Smooth over my face.

Cheapo-bronzer gel on my cheeks for blush. This is a little tube of Bonne Belle that I have had forever but it is so nice and foolproof.

Then I do a big-brush of powder over the whole thing to finish it or whatever the professional term is.

I use lipbalm mixed with red lipstick on my lips and I line them with a darker reddish brown lipliner. I know lipliner is out of style but i need it. My lips are GREY. They need edging. If you don't understand then you are not blessed with grey lips. I applaud you.

I curl my eyelashes. Yes, the scariest of lady-devices, the eyelash curler is now my friend. I used to be afraid f this thing but it is great. You look perky or happy or something when your eyelashes are curled versus straight.

I often wear mascara, but it is double edged sword for me. I feel too fancy with eyemakeup on unless I "do" my whole self up, you know, with an outfit, etc. I have never liked or known how to do too much fancy stuff with the eyemakeup and always feel like I look like a hooker or an old lady or a newscaster and so I shy away from it. So alot of times I don't wear the eyemakeup, just curl the lashes. I had a wealthy friend when I was young whose mom let her get her eyelashes dyed black. She was a very fair girl and had very blonde eyelashes. I thought this was the most exotic thing I had ever heard of and it was only $8. Now I worry about going blind, a little bit, and I just never remember to think about this procedure, but it would be so cool to have dark lashes without gooey glop.

Then, being truly addicted to blush, I usually put on even more blusher in the form of powder blush, a goldey-pink one I have had forever as well.

In the summer, I just do my lips and put on the gel blush and that's it! Even though I haven't purposefully"tanned" in years, I always have a clearer complexion and colorful skin tone when it is summertime.

So, in a way, it is nothing, a little color on the lips and cheeks, but in a way, I feel like I cant believe how rough I look without makeup, after so many years of it being just for fun. Thats ok. I am 32 1/2 years old and it could definitely be worse!

Real youth and 10 minutes of product, side by side.

Tattoo dreaminess

http://blog.tokidoki.it/?p=17

Ummmm
I knew if I waited long enough in my life, and I have, I would find the perfect tattoos for me. Now I have found like a million of them. (see above)

I also want a huge atom on my arm, with maybe little electrons for all of my children, and then the rest, along the lines of these that you see above. I really cant quite fathom how somethings can be so cute.

Yippee!

TV

London Ink! Who knew?

I adore the tattoo shows but the people are so cheesy...like, I like their tattoos but hate the whole Florida/California vibe. But LONDON ink, now? TiVo here I come. I got to watch some of one episode last night and the people couldnt look cooler. I feel a kindred with folks who do not surf 12 months a year, you know? (I also hate Rockabilly style with any smidge of a tan, ewww)

So go watch it on TLC if you have cable and if you want to see beautiful people get incredible tattoos. Sure beats network sludge....

The History channel has completely freaked out! Whereas of course, it was always a noble and austere and "good" thing to watch, I will be the first to admit that World War One shows were usually my natural sleep aid if you catch my drift. But this season, they are doing all these amazing and exciting shows! Shows about death and danger and intrigue and I am really excited to TiVo them (and have no idea when I could watch them! )

I watch Survivor but since my wrestling Playboy freak girl got kicked off, along with my James, I have been kind of disappointed. Its a weird show, but a tradition.

I watch Heroes when I can and am caught up for the season.

With the kids we watch How Its Made (Science channel) and Yo Gabba Gabba and Teletubbies and thats about it. Greta liked Goosebumps for a while but now hasn't asked to see it.

Winter. Sigh. Wish I was doing something jaunty but it seems so difficult once the cold really comes!

Wassup tonight

Hey there! I feel like so many people are not blogging lately-- "holidays" perhaps? I don't know. I have blue hair now and I adore it. the green was kool but this is me fave of all time. I feel like this is what I look like. I used Manic Panic After Midnight Blue. The places in my hair that were nice and damaged took the blue like a sponge-- like the most brilliant indigo, and the healthy newer parts of my hair hardly took the color at all.

Work is still cool, after a little pouting attack on my part last week that "they" were picking on me in the form of new checklists and repeated sticky notes everywhere reminding "us" of the most obvious of our tasks, I had a small paranoid/defensive freak out but I am over it. At 12:15am I am actually kinda grateful for a checklist of all the things we are supposed to do before we can officially close the bar, so I am fine with it now. The customers still love me and tell me the greatest stories! Tales of drunken escapades, curling stories, stuff about their jobs and their grandmothers and their children and The Olden Days. I can't get enough. My face hurts from smiling, and I wonder if they know how genuinely I am enjoying their sharing these things with me. Braggadocios stories of golfing, fishing, bowling, curling and hunting prowess. Embarrassing stuff, personal stuff, wild stuff. Why does the bartender always end up being the shrink? Hey now Grandma can't keep saying I didnt use my degree, heh heh. I listen to peoples problems, I nod and laugh and shake my head at the appropriate times, I care, I worry, I give gentle advice when prodded to, and I remember a good deal of it next time we meet. They tell me thanks for listening, I feel so much better, you really helped me....how is that not psychology? Oh, I know, I don't wear pantyhose, sit in an office, or have to put my children in cindercare for 80% of my income.

Well thats my little contribution to the Everything Joy blog tonight. it is Tuesday and so me and Steve have been having an All American Classic Evening of eating dinner at the actual dining room table with our kids, folding and distributing laundry mountain, reading bedtime stories to one kid while assisting in the teeth brushing of another kid, hanging visquine plastic stuff on our windows with the blowdryer to keep out the drafts, trying to download anything by the incredible band Slumber Party on SoulSeek and being mortified that noone has anything by these guys, laying out little outfits for the kids tomorrow, semi cleaning the kitchen, checking on fantasy football guys online, taking showers, sweeping up Christmas tree needles, and getting ready to watch Heroes and make a little fire in the fireplace while hanging out with Kitty.

I CANNOT believe this is what we used to do 7 nights a week. I am happy for my job but so excited for it to be over, too. Unlike so many couples, we love this and need this, and it has been creepy and sad to not have it. Our household has suffered from the complete cessation of this second part of the day, but hey. We will get used to it, but there is definitely a need for 2 adults here to keep it all going.

minty cold chillin

I am so sorry I haven't written in so long. I have a big case of writer's block and it sucks. Then I get no time on the the computer anymore, work from 6 to midnight, and think when and if i finally get to write, it must be "profound" and voila! I don't write. Lame.

So here's something not profound: I tried to strip out the green hairdye in order to try a new color, and it didn't work very well. This is new for me, I am quite adept in the realm of haircolor and haircolor removal! Why take out the green which everyone seems to love so much? One reason: All my clothes are green! I am serious. It is too much, and I can't take it anymore.

Today it is mint green and blonde and doesn't look very nice, but I am not going to freak out. I am at peace in my warm home while the harrowing, sub-freezing winds whip away all traces of the gorgeous autumn we have had here and make everything harsh and brittle outside---no running to the store for a new color for me today. We are staying in, cuddling, reading, cooking, and enjoying each other. As much as I complain about summer heat, winter really IS a pain in the arse. So stressful to shiver and have to tense up your body just to get the mail. So scary to think of toddlers getting frostbite, keeping up on all the little mittens and boots....definitely have to get our "Mitten and hat box" going again ASAP.

Anyhow, I love you all, I have minty half bleached out hair and I am cold. That's Everything Joy today. :)

"add to cart"

http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/15323537/c/91286.html
Why are all the cute things so expensive? Someone out there is trying to make all the rich people super cute. What a ripoff!

I love these shoes and they even come in 11. Did you know that I wore a size 10 womens shoe from age 10 until I had Mickey? Then my feet were an 11 to stay. Darn! A whole adult life's worth of cool shoes, all too small, and now out of the regular size range. More and more companies have size 11 and 12, but it is either Payless or super expensive high quality places. Sigh. I do not even know how I happened upon shoe websites today, ridiculous but fun. Todays version of window shopping, minus the hot pretzel and parking lot stress? Sometimes I will quite seriously "Add to cart" 3 or 4 hundred dollars worth of stuff online, just to erase it and breathe away the shopping urge. Very harmless, and possibly normal, if I cared.

you know what else I do which is ridiculous? I get all involved in following an Ebay auction for some crazy thing that I would never really be able to buy. Vintage telephones, Mod lounge chairs, paintings, double and triple jogging strollers from Europe, fancy little baby shoes, TShirts from threadless, rainbow wigs, Japanese shoes,Vans and campers and RV's ....don't even get me started on Amazon.com..heehee good thing I am poor huh?

Any other fantasy online shoppers out there? Guilty materialistic shameful pleasure or sensible alternative to actual buying? It is usually fun and then I will sort of blink and think what in the heck am I doing??? and log off.

Work Updates

I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Have I said this too many times now? I work at a historic curling club-- do you know about curling? Have you seen it on the Winter Olympics, or do you get Canadian TV where you live? Well, we have a curling club in my town that goes back to 1885. And I am the bartender! I absolutely love these people. I talk and talk and talk to them and may I be so bold as to say they love me! "Hiya Joy!" "Joy's here!" "Joy, whats your next haircolor gonna be?" "Joy's here, we finally get to drink!" (6:01 pm, totally joking with me)



I have alot of responsibilities, but now that I know what to do, I feel so proud to keep a nice bar and kitchen and have answered the phone, too--these old guys are PRANKSTERS! They call up to the club and pretend to be so-and-so's "boyfriend", or they ask for married women, just to stir up "trouble"-- it is just like Cheers, in a way--except it seems to me that 90% of the people there are "Good Old Joe, John, Bill, Henry...." from forever. So I am just trying to get all their names straight but I love them all. I have yet to meet ONE person who isn't super nice-- even one guy who was kind of gruff to me opened up one night and told me this SAD SAD life-story kind of thing (he had one glass of beer) and now we are bonded!



It isn't all old guys, there are plenty of women and a good deal of younger folks. This is very cool. Unlike a lot of other jobs I have had, where the women are sort of snipey and snooty and clique-y, these ladies are just, cool! They tell me about their cats and their gardens, their husbands and jobs, their cars and their curling injuries, their new shoes and their holiday plans. They trust me with their purses and their cell phones and I keep an eye on all this stuff for them even though they have lockers. I am better at remembering the women's favorite drinks and treats than the men's, although I don't get why yet. There is one young girl who has blue streaks in her hair, which prompted me to tell my bartending superfriend that I used to have blue hair, but I had to get rid of it for job-hunting, and she was like DO IT AGAIN! So I did-- but this time green. Everyone loves it, even this one lady who is quite austere and quite a high ranking female in the club looked me over very sternly the night I walked in with short green hair, looked me over, and did not say anything. Crap! I thought. Maybe it was too soon to do this, they don't really know me yet....



But a little later that night, she came up to me and said "Turn around." and I did, and she said in the same serious voice, "Your new hair is completely darling. I could never do that. Very very cute."



!!!

So, so much for worrying about hair. These people want someone who is nice and cheerful and who makes them feel welcome at their bar. It is a members owned club, and this is the first year they have even had a bartender every night so they are happy! I make popcorn in the big machine, I know alot of drinks now, and mostly, I pour pitchers without any head on top, and I talk talk talk to them all. They keep telling me that I need to get out on the ice, and I laugh. Maybe someday. For now, I am happy to keep all these nice people happy, and I am forever grateful for my friend who got me this ridiculously nice job. it took me a solid 2 weeks for it to sink in that there was no mean boss there was no scariness, there was nothing to be nervous about, and this was not one of those nightmare jobs. I think I carry myself like someone who truly wants to be there, and that hopefully shows, because I do. I am already sad for it to be over in the spring. I work Monday Wedensday and Fridays from 6pm until midnight.

I also have been working all day Saturdays downtown at my friend's technology lab doing office work. It is super boring yet mostly therapeutic and relaxing rather than tedious. We chat some but mostly we are quiet.

So, I am a "stay at home mom", and a "working mom". I look forward to Sundays and Tuesdays when I get to see my husband! Ta ta for now...

Yay, that was so easy!

It is 11:25pm now, and I feel M U C H better! Goodnite!

This simply must be done

So here's the hair story for tonight:

Last November, I went into my bathroom armed only with a dull hair scissors and a box of brown hairdye. Medium Chestnut Brown it was called. I went in with a scraggly blond-with-overgrown roots all one length bob and came out with a deep auburn new hairdo: heavy straight bangs, my home attempt for a Bettie Page kind of bangs, and two little spoinky pig tails. I decided then and there to never be a frump random 30-something Mom-lookin person again, and me and my good friend Amanda worked on little "Paint" program drawings of how I envisioned my cool new self to be. When I thought she would maybe laugh at me, she said in all honesty, "This is how I think of you anyways". I was touched and encouraged to be on the outside the way that I felt on the inside. Strange, eclectic, colorful, artistic, kooky, different, perhaps more Icelandic than Michigan suburbanite, more Martian than Earthling, and within a couple of months, Christmas and little purchases here and there found me with a small pile of new fun socks, a new pair of green buckle shoes, ridiculously great red sunglasses from Target, and bright blue hair that as you all know, made me feel as happy as a lark. The kids were so proud of me and my visionary bravado and they just adored my blue hair, and super importantly, Steve just ADORED my new level of confidence and comfort in my own skin, so to speak. Mama's bright blue hair was just a real positive family event, thats all I remember. I love our family.

I got it in my head that growing this new blue hair long was the next quest. For those of you who have been following this blog for some time, you will recall the pictures I posted of fairies and models with long blue locks. I was convinced that at age 32, it was now or never as far as getting very long hair. I felt like if I grew it long now, I could still be that girl with long blue hair, versus growing it long at say, age 50, and risking looking like some kind of embarrassing midlife crisis person. Ridiculous premise, but I felt so sure that this time, my long hair attempt would not fail, and I would not give up, as it had so many other times, because this time I had the cool color and the darling bangs and the attitude and the wardrobe. I was gonna be a living anime poster, yessiree.

Well, I had to bleach out all the blue in a show of faith that I was job hunting, and that along with some toehr stuff did alot of damage in the meantime. Then the blonde looked brassy and whore-ish and so I colored it brown. Then the brown was too muddy and so I threw in some highlights. Then summer sun and chlorine and constant ponytail holders had gotten my hair in such a state that in my heart, I was beginning to really realize that by the time it was "long", it was gonna look like a haystack. Women's smooth, soft bobbed haircuts began to entice me. I remembered the nice fresh feeling of having newly cut hair, and even started liking the gross and gorrilla-transvesite beast-looking Posh Spice's hair, just because her choppy angled bob looked so much like my old haircuts I used to have. But I thought surely I would regret it, surely I haven't grown this head of hair for a year just to whack it all off, right? Remember my post about loving braids? I gotta have long braids for when I'm a midwife, right? For when I am living on a houseboat in Oregon, right? Long rainbow colored braids were gonna be my thang.

Then Steve called me from work one day and talked to me about getting my hair cut short again. I was so surprised! I wanted to and yet whoa, would I be all sad? I wasn't sure. It seems that the 3 other major times in my life that I grew my hair past my shoulders (age 19, age 25, age 29) I freaked out, cut it short, and then pined away for how long it "almost was".

BUT

I really look pretty bad. I CERTAINLY do not look how I feel inside anymore. I look weird and I don't want to have this dry yellow and brown ponytail anymore. I want soft hair, and I want to look like, I dunno, like I have a look, not just some dangling rug lopped on top of my head.

SO I am gonna cut my hair. Right now, at 10:40 pm in th bathroom, with our friends over and everything. If it turns out bad then by this Friday I can afford to get it fixed, but with my intense distrust of terrible haircutters ignoring me, I need to do what I need to do first, at home, with the dullish hair scissors that are hidden so high away from the kids.

Wish me luck!

YAY

I love my new job!!!
It wasn't scary at all!!!

It was so cool. everyone was so nice to me and the whole place is just cool and friendly. I absolutely loved it. the only thing is that I got home about 12:30am and was kind of "wired" from the upbeat attitude I needed to maintain the whole evening, so I couldn't fall asleep until after 1am, then Charlie cried at 3 am and I dealt with him for a bout 20 minutes, then Casey came in our room at 5:50 and we shoo'ed him out, then he fake went potty THREE times, slamming the door and the toilet seat so many times and stomping and sighing that Steve left the bed and camped out with him on the couch, then Steve's alarm went off at 6:20 and 6:27 and 6:34 and 6:41 and then "wahhhhhhhh" Charlie was crying to wake up for the day before 7, when Steve needed to be at work. Yikes. So, I am tired. But it was really fun and saying that being a busy bartender is different than doing dishes and putting kids to bed and lounging around with Steve is a huge understatement! Its really cool and I look forward to going back tonight.

I wore a very plain outfit--a white t under a blue v-neck sweater and blue jeans, with my hair down and a decent amount of makeup. I wasn't sure. But I feel like if I am going to be stylish or funky I had better start tonight.

I met a guy who, after talking to me for a few minutes, realized that he had met me before, over the friend's home who got me this job--and he was like YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT! DIDN'T YOU HAVE LIKE< UH< PIGTAILS OR STRIPED STOCKINGS OR SOMETHING?

Yes, I said, That was me. (last spring)
I think "you look so different" means "you look way better now", just guessing from the way he said it. Unfortunately, I liked the pigtails and stripey socks me much more! I even told him a little bit that I have procured more "normal" hair for myself as of late because I wanted to get hired and he looked verrry confused and just said something like "I don't think anyone really cares about any thing like that."

I am beginning to realize that it is only a couple of people that hate the crazy hair colors :) 100% of all people I have ever mentioned this idea to (needing blond/brown to get a job)have just given me a blank stare. Yay!

Well, I'm off to go plan an outfit for work. More updates tomorrow!

new job

Tonight I go to my new job and get a look around at what we will be doing--I am very excited! I am going to working as a bartender at a place where indoor sports are played. I don't really want to say where because I have fake ideas that "the stalker" will come get me, but it is a small place, members only, and not seedy scary crusty or smoky. Very cool.

I am going to be working from 6-midnight Monday, 6-midnight Wednesday, and 7-11pm Friday. This will effectively change our family dynamic dramatically. Since Steve works late on Thursdays, and we both work on most Saturdays, we will now only have Tuesday evening and Sunday to do it all. I am bummed, but happy for the work. I wish it wasn't so late, but it is only until spring. We will have to make every penny be worthwhile, whatever that means. Being less poor for 6 months, in some capacity, sounds good to me!

I think we start for real this Friday, and I have not finished my online liquor training course--whoops!! I have to do a good chunk of it tonight, for sure. It is fifteen dollars and 4 hours long, so I have been avoiding/forgetting/reforgetting about it--but none of the other folks did it yet either so I don't feel quite as badly :)

I'll let you all know how it goes!

Björk - Jóga

How much more could I love a song? How much more could I love a singer? Following my daughter's footsteps, I now can add videos to my blog, so enjoy my beautiful Bjork.

No green hair/job updates

I cannot dye my hair because I have a job interview. I will not reveal anything about it because everything I ever blog about is a jinx :)

So, no green, but I did put in some big blonde chunks and I like it.

Steve's "job" has been a flop so far, it is nothing like they described and mostly he is not able to attend impromptu trips across the state on a Sunday evening or 30 miles away at 9 pm until midnight--hello!?

They told him 7 to 8 pm, near your home. I just hope I get something quick so we don't have to deal with this unprofessional shady side business anymore.

I am still working some light clerical on Saturdays with my friend. I like it alot and will be bummed when the project is through. MAYBE there will be more for me to do when this job is done.

Its so weird to not spend very much time with all of us as a family, but maybe somethings can change down the line and we won't have to be apart as much. I would like some combination of Steve getting appropriate pay like he was before his idiotic pay cut this past spring, and living in a tiny cabin, making soap and knitting sweaters and eating rice and beans and homemade lemonade and being off the grid greenies--but with Internet access ;) of course.

Walking

Walked everysingle day, one or two outings, about a mile each. I tried to run for a house or two and, well, its a no go until magical iron bras are in my budget.

My calves hurt and my foot hurts. Looking forward to keeping this up and lengthening the times of walking!

First exercise update

Today I walked for about a mile, fast, with plenty of stops and starts, with the kids.

Then tonight, I walked fast for about 40 minutes with just Casey and Charlie.

A little story

The summer after Casey was born, 2004, I went to the mall to buy a few new things for myself. It was about 11 months postpartum and I wanted some jeans, and maybe a skirt or a t shirt. I went to the Gap, because they had some really cool full skirts in the window, kind of '50's looking, and I was intrigued. I knew that Gap's things, when not on clearance, could be expensive, but I was going to maybe get one skirt.

I looked on the racks, and they were number-sizes, not SML, XL. So I grabbed a 16 and an 18, which was the biggest size in the store. (Gap online has 20. Apparently if you go online, you are allowed to be one size fatter. Silly, huh?)

If these sizes sound "big", or "small", here's a little perspective: I was a 14 when I got married, and I was normal-to-thin. A men's medium or large. I am 6 foot one, built more like a 2-Liter bottle than the typical pear or apple choices.

So, I also grabbed a few tank tops to try on with the skirt in the dressing room, just to make a cute little "outfit" in which to gauge the skirt by. I grabbed XL and XXL tank tops. Off I traipsed, to have a fun little moment with my potential new clothes!

Then, reality shone its oft-cruel light upon me and my crusty mirror.

I couldn't zip the skirt. Not even close. the 18. Wow.

The tank top was nasty--my whole stomach was showing, and it fit like something made for my then 7 year old daughter. Short and thin and w-r-o-n-g. Big armholes, so my bra and fat arms were all flailing out--it was really really outrageous how unflattering this whole scene was.

What only moment ago I had thought was going to be so breezy and darling, was so, so not.

I then did what momentarily sounded familiar and comforting, something I have done time and time again since I got to be this tall in 7th grade: I went back out and went into the men's section. I grabbed a huge sweatshirt, a huge rugby shirt, and some guy's jeans. Screw these slut clothes, I tried to tell myself. I am a mom, I need to be comfortable, I tried to tell myself.



I put on the huge, heavy men's clothing--and the dark, stiff jeans. (Remember it was July and I have a very, very low tolerance for heat) I looked like I have usually looked my whole life--like a big bulky gangsta guy with a girl head, with too big clothes on that were for the wrong season.

I was at a crossroads. Sweaty, hot, pissed, sad, frustrated, disappointed, confused, I could either cry or get it together. Miracle of miracles, I chose to get it together! I quietly took all the stuff, the skirts, the tanks, the jeans, and the huge heavy men's shirts all out to the dressing room attendant lady.

"How did it all work out for ya?" she asked.

"I am officially too fat for The Gap, and I need to go buy some running shoes instead", I told her with not a sulk--but a genuine smile.



And that's just what I did. I got a pair of New Balance sneakers, and a pair of "yoga pants" instead ($6 from old navy!) and went home.

I started walking the next day. At first my legs burned, just from the way that I was walking. But I could walk much farther within a week, with no pain! Soon after, and I mean really soon after, I was walking for up to 2 hours, all around the town!

This kept up into the fall and even holiday cookies and meals didn't do anything to stop my new found weight loss. I bought 2 new pairs of jeans, and those immediately became loose. I swore I was not going to weigh myself, but I did, over at my mom's house, and I had lost 28 pounds by week 11.

I got pregnant with Charlie in January, and that was that.

Some Mamas can keep it all going when they are pregnant. I've known them personally. I think it all seems dynamic and positive and four times I swore "this time will be all different"

and then,
as likely as one is to go on a jog during the lowest lows of a food poisoning attack,
came the puking. and the fatigue. Ten sleeping pills during your food poisoning attack. and the sore boobs. (Is sore possibly a strong enough word? how about please don't tap your foot anywhere by me cause that hurts my whole chest?)

Add to the beautiful little flower that is "Joy while pregnant"--the fact that one of the top triggers to my nausea and vomiting and dry gagging was--get this-- cold air breathed in through my mouth!! Not kidding! Remember it was January? Yep.

So out the door went the walking. My baby was due in late October and I was HUGE by June. Yeah. With a 12 pound kid brewing in there, he could have weighed 7 pounds by then , who knows? Anyhow, that's my story. I had a c section, etc, and here I am today. I got on track to fitness and felt great and strong a few years ago and I can do it again. But this time, I am gonna run.

I will be a running girl someday soon.

You know, my body feels like it is falling apart. I used to be a sports girl, a sports star, even, in a few of my seasons. I played Field Hockey, Volleyball, Soccer, Basketball and Swimming every semester except one, from 6th grade until 12th grade graduation.

Then, at 17, I went to college. You ever hearda the freshman fifteen? I gained about three of those. I went from Mommy's home, and her normal meals, and being a athlete, a decent one, too--to the Krazy world of my own dorm room, and nachos and beer and pop and pizza and beer and pop and nachos and beer and pop and....oh whoops I just wrote out my whole menu plan from college. Running? No way, I laid in bed, read books, ate my treats. Went to classes, got back in bed, watched some TV.

I am kidding, sort of. I actually was not some big drunk. I still bought groceries from the grocery store, and who knows what I bought. I know alot of nachos and nacho supplies and nacho accoutrements were involved, that's for damn sure.

Then I moved in with Steve when I was 20, and we chowed merrily.

Then I had a baby at 22 and gained 55 pounds. (Lost 30)

blablabla

So what I am getting at is not some self hate thing, but a genuine concern for my poor old bod. I want to walk, hell, I want to RUN again! I want to hold my skeleton up with its own musculature--can't even remember that feeling. I want to stretch and strengthen, and I want to feel firmly planted on this Earth, not tipping, leaning, tottering, teetering, tight, mincing steps, burning backaches, etc.

I would like to become a runner.

There is alot of symbolism in this for me, as I am doing some personal training mentally for some stuff that I would like to see happen in my life over the next year or two. But the idea of becoming a runner, like my first midwife was, always has been at the back of my mind.

My husband is my biggest inspiration. He is getting so in shape it is kind of making me feel weird. If he can do it, the last person on Earth can. No offense to him, on the contrary, he is living proof that complete piglets and couch potatoes can totally transform their body shape by exercising less than 60 minutes a day. He eats more than ten freshmen, I promise. He had to get all new jeans this weekend, and new shirts, too. He looks so cute I want to fold him up and put him in my purse and set him on the dashboard of my minivan when I am driving. All he did was ride his bike 2 miles, four times a day.,then he started doing push ups and some crunches.

So, I think I am going to wait until the mercury goes below 80 and start walking. Fast. By myself or with the stroller and Charlie. I just can't stand feeling like a bag of jello anymore. Its kind of scary and powerless to feel this floppy and brittle. If I end up looking hot then hallelujah. But I really, really do not care. As you well know, I enjoy happy hairdos and funky shoes, and definitely have no money for new clothes.

This is about something totally different. Power.

I know, I seriously have a problem: a study in pictures of my hair coloring madness

All of these hairdo's are from this March until now. I think I was in denial about exactly how many hair colors I have had in 7 months. I think this is all of them. I always thought the people who said "We never know what you'll do next, Joy" were pretty lame and that they were making fun of me or something but now I can see some validity in the statement.

Looking back, I think that blond is photogenic, but the hardest to make work in real life. (I just can't seem to make the black and white with a tinge of pink lighting guy follow me around the town! Damn.)

I also miss my official bangs, having sort of given up on them for a little casual side-swipey thing since early summer. But with the real bangs, I did have to dry and curl them and use hairspray--none of which I am really very interested in doing. Now I wash my hair and let it dry and that's it. If I blow dry it, it gets so fluffy and weird, I don't like that at all.

These last three are from tonight. It is all dull and brownish and brassy and scraggly, so I am going to trim the bottom a bit, put in some big blond chunks and color those chunks iguana green. Wish me the best. I've heard that green doesn't come out. Which is fine by me, because red lasted about one shampoo!

Iguana Green

Steve got a second job!!

I got a job!!

He is going to be cleaning T-Mobile stores for one hour a night, dust-mopping and mopping and buffing the floors. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays after work.

I am going to be doing some office work (putting papers in order into folders) with my friend on Saturdays.

SO...you know what this means: I GET TO DO A FUN HAIR COLOR! WOOHOO!

I am going to do a chunk or two of GREEN. I think it will be awesome. I will post pics as soon as I get a chance to do it. It was hard to find green hairdye, I actually had to go to a a local "famous" sex shop. It was still mildly hilarious in there, but I tried to act cool and not embarrassed or silly. I asked for my green 'dye, paid and got out. HAHAHA we used to go in there as teenagers and gawk and giggle and now I just didn't really care. I was way older than the leather dudes that worked there, whom I used to fear and be so amazed by, while we perused the Doc Martens and naughty bumper stickers, fishnet stockings and skull earrings--now I could see them for who they always were: 23 year old boys who wore some black leather.

"Iguana Green" by Special Effects is what I got. I am going to put in some bolder blond pieces and then do a couple of them green.

Show ya soon!

Survivor girl hair

Hey, so are ya watching the new season of Survivor? I like that professional wrestling girl's hair so much! It is cool. I was looking online to find more pictures of her and WHOOPSIE! Apparently she was a Playmate and such. I love survivor, but I never get all into reading about the cast members or anything, so this was all news to me. I set the Google search preferences back to "strict" ;)

Her "cool" hair is apparently a new thing for her, most of the pics online it was just all bleached yellowy blonde. Now she has a pink stripe and some black underneath and it looks cool. She also has the lip piercing (2 of them) which has seemed to be the new hip piercing for faces I have noticed. I would never get a facial piercing but I do not have a problem with them at all. Some people look totally interesting with them, and some people look like idiots. Its hard to pinpoint the different vibe, but its real when you see it.

Her hair inspired me to plan a funky streak or two in my hair and not dye the whole head. Kinda weird that I would be inspired by some playboy chick but whatever. Playmates, when their soft focus photoshop and tacky outfits and corroded makeup is all taken away, and they have messed up hair with pink and black streaks in it and pierced lips and are all filthy and camping seem alot more like just some pretty chick who is not a frosty lunatic, I suppose. Ok, I am just backpedaling now, in order to lower my embarrassment at wanting anything to do with this girl, hahaha

(Cheesy, huh? I like it, though!)

.

Fashion opinions, from someone who wore pajamas grocery shopping tonight ;)

So this weekend, we went to the--gasp!!--MALL. We had heard about a terrific sale on something we needed, and also wanted to share the one day we had together this weekend doing something OUTSIDE of this house!

So, I got to see a bit of the trends and fashions both in the window displays and on the sullen teens themselves--and here are my latest opinions, hot off the presses:

Maternity/Empire waisted shirts: NO
Still everywhere, still hate them. but I am learning that not everyone is pregnant, even though it is taking time. (When I walked past Motherhood Maternity, and the clothes were the exact same as the ones in every other store, it gave me a little secret chuckle.)

Euro-Trash/80's look: mostly NO
Fun and ironic on the VERY young, completely despicable and aging on anyone over 20.
You see, (and I don't think for a minute that I am the first one to ever point this out) when the world of fashion gets all caught up in "bringing back the ___" such and such decade, there is a dangerous fine line that gets crossed when you "bring back" something that just did not happen all that long ago, and that is this: Alot of folks still dress like it is the 80's. Folks that you do not want to emulate, I promise. So therefore, it can be a really really tenuous thing, this whole "hey remember last year?" thing. If you have 80's clothes on, then maybe you are just...from the 80's...which could make you 40 or older...get it....?

Young skinny boys in razor haircuts and red and black striped leggings and gobs of eyeliner and baggy shaker sweaters: kind of cute!

Wierd moms with white plastic hoop earrings and gold flats on: kind of Tanya Harding-ish!

Jumper dresses over ankle-tights, off the shoulder flashdance crop tops, and bubble skirts: I say no. I think in the NY indie scene, about 5 to 10 years ago, there was no way else to go that wasn't already taken, so people like Chloe Sevigny, right when the worst thing you could look like was some 1985 lady, did exactly that, and it was ironic and amazing. Huge brown sunglasses. Light blue roller skating shorts. Terry cloth tank tops. Red plastic earrings. But again, it takes a certain amount of chutzpah and je ne sais quoi and youth and purpose to pull this off. I feel quite certain that this was never, EVER meant to happen full time mainstream, and I just feel sorry for everyone.

I wonder what else from the 80's will make a comeback? Hideous tapered jeans that make even 15 year olds look like they have Mom-Butt? Huge rooster-combed bangs in the front, with wet, scrunched "spiral" permed hair dangling in the back? What about banana clips, acid wash, or fringe? What about roach clips in your hair--a real thing they did in my school--with the dangling down feathers of course--Or does this look actually still remain firmly in the grasps of the real burnouts, and do their numbers still rank high enough to keep this look forever relegated to the timeless world of the carnival and the biker? (Anyone notice how hard I am trying not to say white trash? I know it is offensive but it is harder than you think not to say it when discussing 80's fashion!)


Oh-- and p.s.-- giant hideous belts on the outside of your shirt??? Come on. Unless you are actually being a disco diva for actual Hallowe'en, or you are an actual pro-wrestler...no

Way, way far to the side parted hair: YES
I completely approve of this one. All my life I thought that people whose hair was parted way over to the side looked darling. think about it: Early episode Marcia and Jan Brady. That kid from Flipper. The early Beatles. Any baby you ever met. Little boys on picture day. ITS CUTE!!

Middle parted hair has come and gone in history, most of the images in my head are not too flattering: Alfalfa. Burn outs. Farrah Fawcett.

You have to have the right face for a middle part. Bo Bice looked darling in his hippie inspired locks. But noone looks bad with their hair parted on the side, if you ask me. Its just so cute!

Well, thats it for my fashion trend-watch. We got the kids their awesome new shoes, $8.49 a pair at Children's Place Outlet. We got some exercise, and we got out of the house. Until next time....

Outfits

Here is the best outfit ever kit.

For boys and girls, men and women.

Jeans

Converse all stars or some kind of skateboarding shoe or really any cool cheerful shoe

Colorful socks (striped would rock)

A T Shirt from threadless.

If you are lucky enough to have it be cold outside, add:

A hooded zip-up sweatshirt

or

A long sleeved T under your T from threadless

or

A cardigan sweater

Bright colors, please.

I also would approve (haha) of a zany skirt with tights under it in lieu of the jeans.

too too cool.

http://www.threadlesskids.com/
This fantastic website is where a couple of my tres hip friends shop, but I never took the time to check it out until now.

The shirts are absolutley amazing. 10 dollars for alot of them. SO, so gorgoeous, different, unique, awesome.

We have 3 shirts from this site and the cotton is think and soft--no Hanes here. I love the kids stuff and I love the adult stuff.

I will never ever buy another TShirt as long as I live unless it is from here, I VOW.

We have been searching for matching shirts forever, and I have been mulling over "Homeschool" T shirts as well as just plain ones, but this is it. They have tons of designs that are available in kids and adults. Just beautiful, strange stuff. The little one that is brown with the water cycle and the little raindrops going up to heaven gave me chills.

Ok, so when I get some money, we're gettin some shirts!

8-23-96

ELEVEN years ago today, I was walking down the aisle!

I loved my wedding day, not only for the major fact that I was marrying the coolest boy on Earth, but for how we made the whole thing happen on so little money and how such personal and cool stuff was involved!

I made my veil out of tulle and a white comb and glue.

I wore white slippers. Yes actual slippers. They looked like ballet shoes and didnt show anyhow.

I invented a hairdo that I got alot of compliemts on. It involved rolling my hair up into curls and then pinning them that way. It made myhair look alot longer than it was! The back was a french twist that was pretty sketchy, but under the veil, who can tell?

We got our flowers from a nursery out in the country. Big Gerbera daisies, white and yellow.

One of our gifts was our cake.

The "photographer" was just a friend from my work with her regular camera. The pictures turned out SO awesome!

The "DJ" was Steve's cousin with a stack of our CD's with little sticky notes on the covers of which tracks to play. Although we did not think this was hilarious whatsoever, I do laugh warmly at just how much Sonic Youth and R.E.M. was involved.

We dined to an instrumental Beastie Boys album; The In Sound From Way Out. It was fantastic, and so was the mostaccioli we had feared would be tacky or bland.

I did my own makeup and nails. The last thing I needed on my wedding day was some freaky make up job! I knew from my own disatrous graduation pics that Big Days are NOT the time to try new looks! Shudder...

We got married in a historical Farmhouse with significant meaning to us.

My grandma played the piano for the ceremony.

Steve and I practiced our kiss so it wasn't a harsh peck or a make out :)

We were wedded by a local radio celebrity that Steve's brother knew from going to blues bars. He was awesome, and really gave a great speech!

I got a bee up my dress after the ceremony, during the hot outdoor picture taking time! Luckily he didnt sting me! I felt all old-school and squealy, lifting up all those layers of tulle and having girls helping me as I shrieked help! help! LOL

We didn't want or need a limo, so we had Steve's brother drive us in his very swanky Cadillac to the reception nearby!

We had fish Christmas lights on our head table as a swag. For the life of me, I do not remember how this fish thing got started, but we had swedish fish as a treat on the guest tables, along with fish and under the sea themed confetti! So silly.

Our wedding guests were a very divided crew. There were the fancy dressed up adult family members, and this small hodge podge crew of our friends. The pictures are adorable and hilarious, with the little punk crew and their fish nets and black lipstick and bobby socks and ironic bow ties and converse on, most of them not even 21, drinking and smoking and doing goofy cafeteria-esque things with the items on their table, like making little fork and salt "sculptures", waiting patiently through the mainstream music we had to include for the next fun song to come on! Even our best man wore his black ADIDAS, (love ya Jake!!!!) and crazed sunglasses. It was so great.

I was in fact, just 21, but was incredibly shy about drinking in front of the moms! hahaha!

The bartender must have thought I was quite the little lush, because I woiuld go up, ask for a gin and tonic, and then some great song would come on, and I would leave my drink somewhere, and never have gotten one sip! So I would go back for another one, and the same thing happened again and again! I in fact, did not even ingest one full drink that night. Busy bee!

Ours was the first wedding I had ever been to that everyone stayed at until the end! until it was closed! finis! goodbye! midnight! Thats how fun it was, even to the random aunties and such. Too, too cool.

Our honey moon was fun, too I will write about it next!

countin down the days

I am t h i s c l o s e
to dying my hair back green or blue. I want to swim in it, to be slimed like Alistair by buckets of manic panic. (He was my true love for many years)

I cant deal with this purpley grey and brown, even the cool red already washed out.

I need to review. why did I bleach out my blue? Do get a job.
Did I apply at lots of places? YES.
Was I a good little girl with my brown and my blonde? YES.
Did I dress conservatively, was I cheerful and upbeat and bright and did I say all the right stuff? YES.
Did I triple check my spelling, did I call back as appropriate? YES.

and still nothin
Kroger
Rite Aid
Borders
Barnes and Noble
Trader Joes
Comet Burger (still SO depressed about that one!)
Telemarketing
Chocolate shop
Cocktail waitress at concert place

My good friend told me last week he had a potential job for me working from home, doing some data entry. I am ecstatic!!!!! If it all goes through, it should start in a few weeks!!!! I will type my little fingers to the bloody stumps, just to get out of this poverty hole we are in, and to start paying back my dear mom, who helped us out tremendously, two months in a row, when we were verrrrrry close to being homeless.

BUT
if I work from home,
and my husband begs
and my children beg
for me to have fun hair again

then

i should go for it, right?

Dear me what would i even write about if it werent for hair?
LOL

I never ever knew I was so obsessed until this whole blog thing started!

braids

Hair braiding is an ancient art, that truly does span all races and hair types, and I, for one, have always been fascinated by braided hair. I used to do my little sister's hair in 20 or more thin braids, secured by the teeny rubber bands they gave me at the orthodontist for my braces--I didnt know about the Nubian hair supply stores back then, and would use up all my teeth elastics on doing tiny braids. I have always loved the idea of having long, loooooooong hair that hung down my back in 2 braids, only to be undone at night like Ma Ingalls, or a mystical queen.

I like braids on boys and girls, men and women. they are fun to touch and they look awesome. Braided hair can mean so many things for so many people.

For me, I think that I look kind of dumb with long hair that is hanging there. BUT, UNLIKE everyother time I grow my hair long, decide I look lame and chop it all off into a neat and tidy little BOB, this time I am going to triumphantly ignore all those despicable hairdo-mags that tell you "if all you do with your long hair is pull it back then you need short hair"!!! I say NO WAY!

I LOVE having long hair, for the specific purpose OF putting it into a pony or braid or braids, so there! I almost freaked out today, this very afternoon, when I pulled out my ponytail for a sec and saw the lumpy bumpy dry and funky mass that is my hair. I wanted a soft and well mannered socially acceptable cheek length bob that lovingly cupped my head and never acted up soooooo badly. But then I remembered: THAT IS NOT ME ANYMORE!!!! I AM NO LONGER INTERESTED OR CAPABLE OF "PASSING" AS LUXEY LAYDEE!

So, I am NOT going to cut off my hair, even if it is all freaky and damaged and uneven and mismatched and home-made and strange. Because so am I, and it is going to be super super beautiful, to me, someday. Long and wild and green and blue and decidedly, intentionally, happily, unique and uplifting and cheerily, radically, me.

books someday

I am wanting to write two books.
One is going to be called; EMERGENCY! MOTHERHOOD! that deals with all the money grubbing patriarchal misogynistic fear mongering ways that us girls and women are being taught to buy into the culture of materialism and fear and dependance on BigBusiness as a surrogate Daddy that we do not want or need. From prepubescence on, the YOU SUCK BUT WE CAN SELL YOU A TEMPORARY CURE FROM THE HORRIFICCLY WRONG-NESS THAT IS YOU message---well, stuff like that. You are ugly and fat and everything that is natural and normal and human is gross and messy and scary and wrong and how you can spray all that instinct away for three easy payments...from pregnancy and prenatal (s)care in this society, to birth and mothering in a realm of lawsuit avoidance rather than sound ancient wisdom. Believe me, even if it is just ends up being a collection of essays, there are TONS of other mamas out there writing this kind of libertaing message of freedom that comes when we refuse to walk in fear and doubt and how fun and great it can be to get to a place where we can laugh heartily at the whole emergency that is supposed to be our lives.

My other book is going to be called GROWING UP UNDERNEATH A ROCK, and hopefully will contain true stories of what it was like to be a human child living in a decent sized metropolitan area, within a very liberal family unit/circle of friends, and turning out one million percent fine despite being so "sheltered" as a result of being homeschooled. Hopefully victorious and cheerful stories of enlightenment and simplicity that cast a great deal of light upon how absurd it is to fret when we rear our young outside of the government schools.

Dark red for a change o pace

Well, I have been itching to have "cool" hair, and even if blue is not appropriate at this time, I had some old Manic Panic Pillar Red in the cupboard, and this Henna Kit from my good friend, so I thought, hey, lots of upright citizens have red hair, right?
So I did the Henna kit which was supposed to be Earthy Red, and it didnt look like too much happened. Then I put in a few chunks of the manic panic and I got super bright burgundy!

I have no idea why my eyes look blue in this pic but I took this yesterday. I feel like my hair is wierd enough to make me feel Joyish and normal enough to not bowl over Mom or the "employer" (ha).

Yay for free old stuff in the linen closet!

insincere trashola plastic junk yawn

I know they said this when we were young, but seriously, WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO POPULAR MUSIC?

I got to go out last night, and on my way, I indulged in some radio-blastin. I found a few random songs I liked, but good gawd the "Rock" music that as on last night was so, so SO ---can I say rediculously soulless?

Where is the SINCERITY? When was the precise moment in music when it became completely acceptable to just yell and fake it? When did it start to become so commonplace to sound like a lyric-reading, karaoke fool that that sound itself became The New Sound?

Look, I am obsessed with lead singers. If your band is the greatest band on Earth, and I don't like your lead singer, its over. I don't want to be this way, but its true. How am I suppossed to overlook THE SINGER'S VOICE?? Come on. thats like asking me to overlook THE FLAVOR of food when partaking.

That being said, I cannot and have not ever been able to deal with any band or any singer whatsoever unless they are incredibly, incredibly sincere. Earnest, demented, passionate, flipped out, under great duress, extremely convinced of their predestined plight to sing this very song, urgent, on the brink, on another plane. Not some yellin idiot with good eyebrows.

So, barf barf and three pukes to the gobbeldy gook I tried to jam to last night in my car. Tryin like hell to rock out in the minivan, little red sunglasses on, 3 empty carseats...I was ready to hear something, but the AOR man had other plans, it seems.

Glory glory so so happy

THE most incredibly great thing has transpired. SageFemme, a blogger who is a very special Oregon midwife, a woman I have admired and turned to on Mothering.com's discussion forums time and time again, has posted about MY blog, Breast and Belly. I almost fainted when I saw her name in the comments of one of my recent posts. It was a normal post, just something I jotted down in True Joy style, just ranting and tellin it like I lived it and I guess she liked it enough to say something!

HUGEST GRIN!

The thing I had written was a pretty good post, and I am not trying to be all "aw shucks" about it. I know when I get all fired up (think the white eyeballs on Heroes) I write my best. In fact, anything I write when I am not all fired up always is crappy and dull. But now I am getting comments from all these new faces, all these new mothers, women all over the place and I really really get it now about blogging. I get it!!! Virtual community, an electronic tribe, oooooh I have goosebumps!

I always fantasized about being a netroots activist or something but this is close enough for me for now. I just feel so happy and purposeful. These blogs have been a total fricking blast, but very rarely did I ever get any comments from anyone besides my local pals (love you guys! thank you eternally for always reading!) and sometimes it felt like I was writing some self-obsessed diary or something, like a colorful version of email, that noone who really might actually feel uplifted or inspired by anything I have ever written ever would get to--if that makes any sense?

I have been pouting for years that I didnt have a hobby besides my guitar which i dont play very much, but now I am definately, definately a writer. If my husband wasn't such a precious hottie who I actually want to hang out with every night, I would be much more prolific--not complaining tho!!

Thank you SageFemme and hooray for blogs!

wow such important news harhar

Keeping with the rediculous idea of this being a hairblog, I am so officially announcing that I intend to grow and grow my hair and not screw with it because I want it to be long and blue and it will all be worth it. The months of shabby blob-ness will all be worth it. I have even tucked the baby-bangs away into the safe cocoon of the barrette, so I do not use any heat styling machinery anymore, just shampoo, conditioner and the barrettes and ponytail holders. No heat, no dying, equals no having to cut it, equals longer faster. See?

tattoo dreams

I finally came up with the tattoo(s) I want. After deep consideration since I was 14, and thankfully, the wisdom to know not to rush into anything that was not perfect, I want to get snowflakes, all different ones, one for each of the children. I want to find some simple atomic design types. It will be vertical, up my right arm or up my spine.

I also have a huge fairy prototype that I want someday, too---she will have tons of options for add-ons such as roots downwards and radiant beams upwards with all sorts of Joy's LifeStory symbolism embedded inside the artwork.

re-excited, cuz I am like that

Oh my gosh
So many new jobs are posting on CraigsList tonight! Dare I get excited?

Barnes and Noble in the cafe section! Permanent part time it says!
My fave local club/theatre wants cocktail waitresses, 2-3 evenings?!
A big nearby restaurant is hiring all positions, come in person anytime get an interview on the spot?!
Dave and Busters wants restaurant staff??! SO FUN!!!

Ok
So tomorrow, I get dolled up to the hilt and go try to get a damn job.

Do you even understand how much I want a "fun, vibrant, people oriented job"??? Ill even go as far as to say a SEXY job? an ADULT job? Something K-O-O-L?!!??!

If there is anything getting me up and out of here just 'round about when I am ready to pull on my snowman pajamas and cuddle up with Steve to a nice round of dishes and watching BigBrother, it had better be something really COOL!

Ok, I am in no financial position to ask for it to be fun sexy or cool, but goddamnit, why not?? Why do I have to be fake sad that Kroger didnt call back? I want this to be something really exciting, a new chapter for me, I really want to be somewhere neat-o, where there will be people whom I want to make eye contact with, where I am not deeply humiliated and on the verge of tears, and lets face it, where I dont get tempted to call in or quit as soon as Steve gets one fat check.

Cross all fingers for me, tomorrow is a ray of hope. Im getting a damn job, and once they love me, with my college degree and my prompt and courteous reliable freindly dependable work ethic, maybe o just maybe I can GET AWESOME HAIR AGAIN
Kisskiss
Love, Joy

Little updates

So, I applied at Trader Joe's and it was a weird experience. It took almost an hour to do the big application with math problems, and me thinking off the top of my head about the dates of jobs I held in the late 90's. then at the end the manager said they arent really looking to hire right now and that they can only keep my application for 14 days.

My mom has found a job listing for me online that claims to pay 11 bucks an hour doing some kind of telemarketing in the evenings. Iwonder if it is one of these "Up to 11 bucks an hour" scams...but I applied anyhow.

I wonder why noone will hire me. Is it because I am listing picky hours? Don't lots of people say they can work 6pm to close on weekdays and Open to Close on weekends? Isnt that called a second job?

I am still steadily and slowly losing weight on my new lifestyle plan. Very cool.

I have been staying away from the hairdye and scissors, hard for me, but when I have a goal, I am pretty focused.

My house and brain are really coming together, as well as my relationship with the kids and Steve. I have been getting really realistic about time and money and plans and goals.

I got a tan on my legs for the first time since maybe 1996---floating in the pool on a raft during Saturday's naptime. Its insane, I do not even recognize my lower body being not light blueish grey.

I figured out how to put polls on my blogs! Thats fun, right?

I am back in love with fireworks, and want to go to all the shows next year!

Kool is in the heart...(for now)

I cut my dead yellow broomstick hair a few inches and dyed it a very sedate and Mom-ly brown. Got a few reddish tones in there, which is a bit of an aging and unflattering color tone for me, but hey. I'm just tryin to grow this hair out LOOOOOOOOONG so I can someday be a psychotically amazing blue-green-turquoise fairy from outerspace with azure locks to my waist, famous throughout the land for being so breathtakingly effervescent and inspirationally true and pure to the spirit of color and art. At least I am smart enough to know that I will NEVER get there unless I can stop coloring and let it grow in peace. le sigh. Why does patience have to be a virtue? Why can't impulse be a virtue?

I look fine and dandy. My summer clothes are pretty soul-less anyhow, so here we go, just havin a summer. A little brown haired chicky-mama with a tshirt, birks, and cut-offs on, playin with her babies. Totally chill.

Joy's fashion opinions and BaaBaa Beauty Kit

Well, my dear hair is now absolutely JACKED. It is long, crisp as a broom, yellow as a broom, hard as a broom...gee...alot of broom and straw references come to mind. As you may recall, I had to bleach the hell out of it to remove the gorgeous and extremely life-affirming neon blue that it was, to get a job, which I did not get. So now I am poor and heinous when before I was poor and well...I don't want to sound vain, so I will say happy. but what I wanna say is fantastically blissfully unique. I would sit in the parking lot in the minivan sometimes when Steve would run in to a store and I would think stuff like, "there isn't likely anyone in that whole Target with blue hair." Then I would wonder if there was anyone in my whole city with blue hair. Is that crazy?? I would wonder how many people in all of Michigan had blue hair, I really got into it. I LOVED IT.

So before I divulge my future dreams, here I am, with damaged yellow hair. It is so fried that special deep conditioners won't touch it, they make no diff. I have to put it up into a bun, can't even fake it with ponytails or braids, because there is just this brillo-poof that crinkles and crunches in the breeze and I feel like BadBarbie, like maybe some wierd fake Kmart brand Barbie that you got when you were little from a raffle-Christmas party at your mom's work or something. In a grab-bag marked "Girl", or found in the church nursery. Even real Barbie's hair was shiny and whitish, despite the political implications of her foot size or breast-to-waist ratio, she did have that nice hair...

I still need to try to get a job, and I still need to know that the reason they are not calling me back is because the economy blows or they wanted someone who could work days, not because of my appearance. So I am thinking about dying it brown. Not a chocolate DYEJOB brown, but like a medium, casual, this-could-be-my-real-haircolor kind of a brown. I will also need to cut it a bit. 2 inches most likely. When you run your hands down my hair, it goes soft, soft, soft, soft, burnt to a crisp! So all of that bad part will need to go, losing me months of growing but gaining me a nicer look, I can only hope.

I still adore the rockabilly bangs, but they look sick and terrifying on light hair, like some ghastly 5 year old, and so I have been scooting them over to the side and feeling very very very boring and invisible and lame. I am hoping the brown dyejob will get me back to rockin the bangs, because, with 98% of chicks I see with the same side-swept and overly layered gently frosted hair do's (and of course, the omnipresent empire-waisted maternity shirts grrrrrrrrrrr), I enjoy being as far from that sheep-clone world as possible,

It is aging and just sick to me how everyone looks the same same same lately! On TV, in the town, BLABLABLABLA I could sell these women a little KIT, and they could just POOF have it all in one box.

Here is the Baa-Baa Beauty kit:

Shagg shagg shagg chunks missing like Billy cut off your ponytail in class.

Maternity shirt to give you an imaginary giant belly even if you weigh 100 pounds.

Flipflops so you can look like you shop at the store that is at the campground and you can walk wierd.

Huge huge transvestite sunglasses so you can look like your English teacher did when she went on boat rides with her swinger friends in 1982.***

***these can occasionally "work" when they are paired with an actual cool outfit that your English teacher would never, ever wear on any boat--But no brown tint unless you are SO ironic-hip that you are pretty much Beck or Bjork. Maybe. No, I take it all back. They do not work.

Low-Rise jeans no matter what

When you do not have the bod for this product, why anyone would want to do this to themselves or to the public is just beyond me. How do you sit? How do you breathe? Why o why must we deal with this? You can still have nice boot cut jeans without this scene being involved. Trust me. I'm a thousand times bigger than this girl, and she doesnt even have any stretch marks, and NOBODY is subjected to this when they are around me.

Bright orange tan. I am including faux-tans and tanning booths here. What gives? When you go and spend a day out of doors, you might get an adorable splash of pink across your nose and cheeks, some color on the sunny places, but not and entire corporal dip in carrot-oil whatsoever. I hate this whole-body-orange thing, it is wierd and gross. I have even used the self tanners on my legs because they were literally 9 shades paler than my arms and face (with horrific results) but to think that places like the undersides of my arms, behind the ears, and the entire foot should mysteriously be, well, orange, is apparantly the new thing.

French manicure. It is not french and just looks so 80's and so porno and trashy and Klassie and, well, no. It makes me think of some horrific wedding where lace parasols might come into play and well, no.

___________________________________________________________________

So, now that I have insulted 95% of the suburban babe dreams, let me leave you with some cool fancy makeup girls who I think should replace Kelly Ripa and Carrie Underwood as icons of unattainable gorgeousness. Then I want to take a big break from all this shallow stuff so you all don't think I am this evil superficial terrible girl.

I really like people with clean faces and rosy cheeks and real smiles and bubble gum and chapstick.

Best accessories of all time: High IQ and a guitar.