Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Kool is in the heart...(for now)

I cut my dead yellow broomstick hair a few inches and dyed it a very sedate and Mom-ly brown. Got a few reddish tones in there, which is a bit of an aging and unflattering color tone for me, but hey. I'm just tryin to grow this hair out LOOOOOOOOONG so I can someday be a psychotically amazing blue-green-turquoise fairy from outerspace with azure locks to my waist, famous throughout the land for being so breathtakingly effervescent and inspirationally true and pure to the spirit of color and art. At least I am smart enough to know that I will NEVER get there unless I can stop coloring and let it grow in peace. le sigh. Why does patience have to be a virtue? Why can't impulse be a virtue?




I look fine and dandy. My summer clothes are pretty soul-less anyhow, so here we go, just havin a summer. A little brown haired chicky-mama with a tshirt, birks, and cut-offs on, playin with her babies. Totally chill.




Monday, June 25, 2007

Joy's fashion opinions and BaaBaa Beauty Kit

Well, my dear hair is now absolutely JACKED. It is long, crisp as a broom, yellow as a broom, hard as a broom...gee...alot of broom and straw references come to mind. As you may recall, I had to bleach the hell out of it to remove the gorgeous and extremely life-affirming neon blue that it was, to get a job, which I did not get. So now I am poor and heinous when before I was poor and well...I don't want to sound vain, so I will say happy. but what I wanna say is fantastically blissfully unique. I would sit in the parking lot in the minivan sometimes when Steve would run in to a store and I would think stuff like, "there isn't likely anyone in that whole Target with blue hair." Then I would wonder if there was anyone in my whole city with blue hair. Is that crazy?? I would wonder how many people in all of Michigan had blue hair, I really got into it. I LOVED IT.



So before I divulge my future dreams, here I am, with damaged yellow hair. It is so fried that special deep conditioners won't touch it, they make no diff. I have to put it up into a bun, can't even fake it with ponytails or braids, because there is just this brillo-poof that crinkles and crunches in the breeze and I feel like BadBarbie, like maybe some wierd fake Kmart brand Barbie that you got when you were little from a raffle-Christmas party at your mom's work or something. In a grab-bag marked "Girl", or found in the church nursery. Even real Barbie's hair was shiny and whitish, despite the political implications of her foot size or breast-to-waist ratio, she did have that nice hair...

I still need to try to get a job, and I still need to know that the reason they are not calling me back is because the economy blows or they wanted someone who could work days, not because of my appearance. So I am thinking about dying it brown. Not a chocolate DYEJOB brown, but like a medium, casual, this-could-be-my-real-haircolor kind of a brown. I will also need to cut it a bit. 2 inches most likely. When you run your hands down my hair, it goes soft, soft, soft, soft, burnt to a crisp! So all of that bad part will need to go, losing me months of growing but gaining me a nicer look, I can only hope.
I still adore the rockabilly bangs, but they look sick and terrifying on light hair, like some ghastly 5 year old, and so I have been scooting them over to the side and feeling very very very boring and invisible and lame. I am hoping the brown dyejob will get me back to rockin the bangs, because, with 98% of chicks I see with the same side-swept and overly layered gently frosted hair do's (and of course, the omnipresent empire-waisted maternity shirts grrrrrrrrrrr), I enjoy being as far from that sheep-clone world as possible,


It is aging and just sick to me how everyone looks the same same same lately! On TV, in the town, BLABLABLABLA I could sell these women a little KIT, and they could just POOF have it all in one box.

Here is the Baa-Baa Beauty kit:


















Shagg shagg shagg chunks missing like Billy cut off your ponytail in class.


















Maternity shirt to give you an imaginary giant belly even if you weigh 100 pounds.











Flipflops so you can look like you shop at the store that is at the campground and you can walk wierd.












Huge huge transvestite sunglasses so you can look like your English teacher did when she went on boat rides with her swinger friends in 1982.***
***these can occasionally "work" when they are paired with an actual cool outfit that your English teacher would never, ever wear on any boat--But no brown tint unless you are SO ironic-hip that you are pretty much Beck or Bjork. Maybe. No, I take it all back. They do not work.



Low-Rise jeans no matter what
When you do not have the bod for this product, why anyone would want to do this to themselves or to the public is just beyond me. How do you sit? How do you breathe? Why o why must we deal with this? You can still have nice boot cut jeans without this scene being involved. Trust me. I'm a thousand times bigger than this girl, and she doesnt even have any stretch marks, and NOBODY is subjected to this when they are around me.


Bright orange tan. I am including faux-tans and tanning booths here. What gives? When you go and spend a day out of doors, you might get an adorable splash of pink across your nose and cheeks, some color on the sunny places, but not and entire corporal dip in carrot-oil whatsoever. I hate this whole-body-orange thing, it is wierd and gross. I have even used the self tanners on my legs because they were literally 9 shades paler than my arms and face (with horrific results) but to think that places like the undersides of my arms, behind the ears, and the entire foot should mysteriously be, well, orange, is apparantly the new thing.
French manicure. It is not french and just looks so 80's and so porno and trashy and Klassie and, well, no. It makes me think of some horrific wedding where lace parasols might come into play and well, no.
___________________________________________________________________
So, now that I have insulted 95% of the suburban babe dreams, let me leave you with some cool fancy makeup girls who I think should replace Kelly Ripa and Carrie Underwood as icons of unattainable gorgeousness. Then I want to take a big break from all this shallow stuff so you all don't think I am this evil superficial terrible girl.
I really like people with clean faces and rosy cheeks and real smiles and bubble gum and chapstick.
Best accessories of all time: High IQ and a guitar.

Friday, June 15, 2007

updates

I am totally used to my blonde hair now. I guess this is a good thing. When I first stepped out of the house with blonde hair I felt as weird as most people would stepping out with, say, BLUE hair :)

but now I feel ok. I had blonde hair, both natural and fake, for most of my life, so I just look like "Joy" again. It is getting really long, which is cool. It is pretty fried from the bleach it took to get the blue out, but ponytails braids and buns help to hide that mostly. I need to cut it but don't want to yet. I think at New Year's time I will get a good haircut. For now, I just deep condition and pull it back, letting it grow and grow and not do anything else. It is resting :)

I have started up with my...dare I write the evil word, diet, again, for the first time since '04, and so far so good. It isnt about self hate or anything negative, just wanting to be healthy. I had eight kidney stones last week and read online it can be from being overweight and really cringed.

The secret goes something like this: Instead of troughs of food, I eat a plate of it. I do not eat Fourth Meal anymore, and I do not drink pop anymore. For me this is a drastic reduction in calories. I drink tons of water and really really do want to exercise, except so far it has been too hot too tired too busy, too something and I have not exercised yet beyond the daily insanity of running a home which never, ever seems to tone anything, haha.

I bought a gel seat for Steve's bike and am going to try riding it today. I want to walk and even run someday but have continued ot be plagued with the mysterious hurt foot/ankle several times a week. Arggg.

More soon!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

what is everyone thinking?!


I am in pregnant-lady-alert-overdrive! And it is all due to this hideously unflattering new fad that has been cruelly unleashed on women:


These "baby-doll" tops with the empire waists look exactly like, no, they are, maternity tops. Everyone who is skinny and wearing them, guess what--you look pregnant. Everyone who is heavy and is wearing them, guess what--you really, seriously look pregnant. And to all the mamas who think this is a forgiving and flattering style because it isnt clingy, or because it is long/offers "coverage"---you really, really, really look pregnant. And to top it off, it is in style to have flip-flops and capris---the absolute hallmarks of late pregnancy when you cannot get your foot into a shoe anymore and your thighs are so deathly wrong that you had better cover them things up. Trust me, girls, I have done this four times.


I don't have to tell anyone that I love pregnant women and I think they are beautiful. I also love the idea of cropped and tight shirts coming out of favor, as I am 73 inches tall with a stomach that will never, EVER see the light of day so long as I live---BUT--well, I guess I already explained how I feel about this whole thing...why not long and NOT empire waist? Blousy, billowing fabric starting right under the boobs? I can't believe it, I can't I tell you.


Whats funny and ironic is how I spent four long pregnancies looking, searching the malls stores boutiques and the 'net for one--ONE top long enough or flowy enough to cover my pregnant belly and the weird panel on my maternity pants. It did not exist and I suffered mostly in overalls, even in the heat. Ask steve how many gallons of tears I would cry about this whole thing. Many, is what he will tell you, many. Now this garment is at every single store in the mall, and at regular prices, forget "Tall Maternity"!!!


Sheesh.


I probably sound like Bill Cosby telling kids to pull their damn jeans up or something. But I don't care. Every girl on Earth looks pregnant now, and I am going to get in a car accident looking at them all.

still a dream for now

The band, lead by insolent 32 year old frontwoman, white pigtails flailing, tore up the stage with intense fury and a wall of experimental noise that could only be described as a once-in-a-lifetime journey through time and space. Playing well past the 11pm curfew set for this all-ages festival, this was one show that will go down as a pivotal event in the history of American music. Not since 1991 breathed new life into us all, and 22 year old kids in flannel took Whitney Houston off the top of the charts and deposited her upside down on her head, replaced with gnarly, heart wrenching power chords and a whole new outlook of hope, has an entire scene taken us all over by storm like this, leaving a deep tangible divide between the people who "get it" and the squares who do not.