Monday, April 30, 2007

fresh air

Well its been awhile, huh?
I am no longer sick. It is no longer cold or drizzling or snowing. I am literally on cloud nine, in heaven, all cares are back to their rightful places in the background, major upsets are back to minutae, I can now re-relate to hallmark slogans such as dont sweat the small stuff and stop and smell the roses and enjoy the little things and live for today and bless this mess and....ok ill stop.


Although I do like the idea of fall and winter, the flash imagery of being covered in clothes (haha), cozy times, spicy drinks...the reality is it is messed up to be indoors all the time, to get to the point where crumbs and stains and where is my scotch tape are somehow something you should give one crap about, to just obsess and fret and stagnate, its really jacked.


So now we have opened up our windows, opened up our eyes, opened up our hearts and opened up our minds, as a people, or at least I have. It feels so damn good to have my self back, I feel as if my proper and rightful place as an upright citizen/homo sapien (sapienne?lol) to roam the good Earth has been reestablished and I like it. I am going to sit outside for a long long time tonight past sunset past dark and enjoy it all. Besides---no mosquitos yet :)


Saturday, April 21, 2007

Dedice a la musique, les cheveux verts, et la future

It is such a gimmiky thing, and yet I fall for it EVERY time: lead vocals en Francais. Hip-Hop, trance, and scads of other electronica use this technique to marvelous effect. Especially if the singer is female, and french is not her native toungue. Perfection!
I want to do a bit of this in my band, and I am sort of coming to grips right now with how much studio and non-organic kinds of music I love and how it all works out with my garage and low-fi budget and sensibilities and roots and how, oh how, will I work in some gorgeous french stuff about les reves, and les bouches, and les nuages, and les bicyclettes and je veux te la donner mon couer, when I have no studio or money but I do know alot of french, and actually I am gonna say right here and now that godarnit there will be french and it will all work out and ummm yeah. Stuff like that. See? I am getting a little bit better. Cough cough sniff.

Bjork is on Saturday night Live Tonight! I hope she rocks.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

missing out

I am too sick to blog
I will be back when I can
Trying to become healthier as a lifestyle...

: )

Thursday, April 12, 2007

green hair

It is more than official.

After 6 months, which has really been 20 years, of searching, I have decided upon my final dream hair.

It is going to be deep green, like forest green. It is going to be long with bangs. I will curl it all beautiful in pink curlers or I will do braids. This will finalize all of the issues and displaced, misplaced asthetic problems I have run into since adoloescence. My love of punk and glamour, my not knowing if I wanted to be a skater boy or a screen siren, my desire to look super wierd and super pretty, to have grannies say "shed be cute if that horrible hair wasnt green" and to walk around and feel like myself!

So I am quite ecstatic. I need to bleach out all this blue and purple and faded lavender and get the green and maybe even a haircut at a place, just a trim on the bottom. Then I just need to keep on growin! It was a tiny bob at xmas time and now is to my shoulders in the back, so by next year, it should be super long. Too excited.


Monday, April 9, 2007

vrrrrrm

Over the weekend, two very cool girls were convinced that I was from Detroit Roller Derby. Convinced. This was the biggest image compliment I have received in I don't know how long, if ever. I feel like the ball is truly rolling now on my new look. Hooray!

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Lady clothes






A topic near and dear to my heart: my interest in fashion and my deep vomitous aversion to lady clothes---and how I have been misjudged,mislabeled and misunderstood as a tomboy when in fact I am a girl girl girl.

When I was 10 years old, starting 6th grade, I was five foot three. By the end of that school year, I stood five foot eleven. I wonder if I even weighed 100 pounds.

So there I was, taller than all the women's clothing made in the world, barely eleven years old, size ten shoes, the largest size you could get in normal stores. Years before I was old enough for high heels, I was already too tall to wear them, and so, I never learned how to walk in 'em. This is how I started out! Way before I was even a teenager, I was severly limited in my options. I wore my school uniform by day, my field hockey, volleyball, and soccer uniforms after school, and on the weekends....ewwwww you don't wanna know. Wierd flood everything--and there was no "cropped", these were floods---hard to blame my mom when I grew 8 inches in 8 months---but there were flood pink pants, flood acid wash jeans, and flood black pants. Random sweaters from christmas,( ladies' medium, too wide and too short for the stalk of spaghetti that was me) and perhaps a pastel polo type of shirt from kmart or kresge.




Fast forward to when I "turned cool" --- I had a depeche mode Tshirt, a new order Tshirt, flood jeans and a jean mini skirt. Everything else has been forgotten. I had black chucks, black tights, and a few shirts from my boyfriend. Anything skirt or dress in my closet was so far out of the realm of what I considered even remotely attractive, modern, current, or wearable, that it soon became this thing that I was some kind of tomboy, masculine, manly, and my *family* liked to rub that in. but it wasnt really true! I had a CABOODLE (remember those, anyone??) of makeup, a zillion earrings, probably 8 perfumes, and --ahem-a decidedly not tomboyish underwear collection. Did my hate of FLATS and PUMPS and sickest of all--PANTYHOSE--really make me a mans man? I grape-sprunch sprayed my sun-in'ed bob while curling my eyelashes before dawn every single morning, blue eyeliner, turquoise eyeliner, peach gloss, pink gloss, dozens of nail polishes----black bikini, peach bikini----but no love for the LADY CLOTHES. Ever.


To me, since somehow, someway, there seemed to be no cool feminine clothes in my world, maybe Madonna or Bjork or the rich kids had awesome stuff like I would have liked---but in reality, the skirt or dress came to symbolize deeply irksome events ONLY. Family portrait, Church thingamabob, Holidays, forced visitations to Moms Work or Sisters Recital. I felt so ugly so itchy so gross gross gross gross, in the hand me downs and borrowed 40 year old womens stuff that vaguely fit me (with safety pins) that it wasnt until my first dance that I wore a dress and felt ok. But a dance doesnt count.






Fast forward a long way...to my first grown up job. Age 19. Corporatesville. Crap! Will I need lady clothes???? Im making $9.25 an hour---astounding money for me, minimum wage was 3.90 or maybe 4.15, but it was part time due to the fact that I was a full time college student, and so it was good money and yet not enough to get some sweet new wardrobe....so I kinda faked it. I wore black cotton tights. Black buckle Doc Martens. ($130 bucks in 1993 you better believe they were my only shoes!!) One little short black A-Line skirt from the "new store" Old Navy. Cardigans from the thrift store, and one white t shirt. oh--and a pink, purple and yellow swatch watch with a huge eyeball on it. Every single day. With a long silver necklace from contempo! hahahaha! Remember Contempo!!!?? Sheesh.

My older co-workers loved me, and said nice things like "you can get away with that", "youre so cute" and scarier things like "i dont know how you dont get written up", "that is bullshit"....and this was when NOBODY dressed the way they do at work now. It was 3 piece suits, power shoulder pads, hose, pumps, period. Except I did not.

I got married, loved my wedding dress. Duh. But beyond that it has been years and years of concert T's, jeans, chucks, with dreams of fun dresses, dreams of stripey tights, and kind of growing into the not working/wear what u want/but some image as a mom to work out stuff.......and well somehow here I am!

I still detest powder-smelling stinky stuffy itchy vile lady clothes, but now I know what it is exactly that I detest. It isnt anything about being a girl. I have never ever been happoier to be a girl. Its about being ME. Maybe I will never have enough money to own all the outfits I dream of, and maybe creating them will be my only option. But the world of fashion has become ALOT more accessible, I see what the magazines are calling "Work jeans" and i am so curious to see if this is really true or not...but for something as near and dear to my heart as outfit-imagining, I will never be sad if purple hair, cherry barrettes, chuck taylors wth tights or shirtdresses in psychotic fabrics turns popular. because I love that stuff, and I would relish the idea of it being easier to obtain.






Somedays I am a girl and somedays I am a woman---but I never, ever want to be a LADY. Unless we are playing tea party. (But even then I might fight ya for dibs on being the cat or the baby or maybe even the grampa.)

********************

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

boo hoo

I have only a few birthday scenarios and they play out again and again---

1)Me being sick

2)It snowing really hard

3)It being eerily, creepily warm and humid

Today is my birthday, and although I am very happy about it, I am also very sick. I think it is suppossed to be wierdly warm, too, like 74 and thundershowers. See?

Its crazy how many little blurred memeories I have of trying to sit up and be cheerful about the present, trying to taste cake or special meal without my tastebuds, head spinning, chest tight, throat clogged, ears stinging, face pounding.


Next year I will try with all my heart to remember to go on some secluded health-vigil the last week of March! But for today, I will try to savor the strong deja vu and look SO forward to my new year. 2007 has been extreme, and so to me, a-la Chinese New Year, TODAY marks the "new year". I am 32 now--lets let the good times roll.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

they pay me to turn 32?!

My grandma sent me fifty bucks for my birthday and my mother and father in law sent me 30. i also had five bucks in my purse all smashed so that counts, too. So I have 85 bucks. I am trying to really not pitch this money in to "the family" as I have done with every single penny I have ever received as a Joy gift in ten years of marriage. I am also going to get a night job a couple of nights a week at this one cool beerhaus thing that seems non molesterish and up-beat and clean. I have no idea if they are hiring but I dont care. Maybe they will see my purple hair and think I will cheer up the joint.


I am trying to think of things I want to save up for and so far it is:

pink chucks
all the bumper stuckers i could ever dream of on cafepress.com
a little videocamera/dvd camera whatever those are that are little
a Fender Rhodes
a Mellotron
a mini Moog
a new guitar although that is so mean to my guitar...so maybe a bass. a yellow one.
a non raping bike seat
fountain pop machine
slurpee machine

send me ideas--maybe I am forgetting something I always wanted! My own hair coloring salon-dance club perhaps?