Beautiful swimmers

I went swimming all by myself last night at the local pool. Since I didnt have the kids with me, I felt silly just playing being goofy...but the crazed old people who swim 355 laps intimidated me so I didnt want to play by them either. So I made up this workout thingy:

In the rib-deep water I walked really fast holding a kickboard out in front of me for balance and resistance. It was hard and fun! It seemed to burn my legs much more than swimming and regular swimming still hurts my back somewhat.

I did my water-walking thing for about 45 minutes! I was so sweaty--in the water! Gross! but it was great. I could feel that my bottoms of my feet were getting harshed up and wished for those water shoes all the aerobic grannies had. My old German guy pal and the Mail-lady told me I was doing great. Encouraging! Emabarssing! they were staring at my blue hair laying on my shoulders but did not ask. What is there to ask? "Is your hair blue?" ---clearly. right? Or maybe they thought I had a terrible chlorine reaction--haha.

Near the end of the hour, (open swim is only one hour on Wednesdays) I realized they let you play in the 9 foot part! whoa! So I did that. Just wierd floating and fake underwater walking and stuff. So fun to just be wierd.

I love swimming for 10,000 reasons--but you know what was really cool? There were these two people, a guy and a girl, and they were doing crazy races in the 9 foot--they swam SO fast, they were making crazy waves, blast blast back and forth back and forth. And when they got out of the water, I saw that they were very large people, maybe 3 or 400 pounds. Thats why swimming is so neat! Good for them! I wish I was that fast! I can still swim really fast but only for VERY short distances as my lung capacity is so so pathetic. I practically drown doing 2 laps, seriously. And if I try to leave my head out like some wierd hair-do lady it hurts my neck.

I love the aerobics class ladies who are there before open swim, because they are getting together in community companionship, they are laughing and having fun, they are taking time for themselves, and they are absolutely covered in cellulite, from head to toe. With bright coral lipstick, and wierd aqua-shoes---they were so beautiful! Am I bizzarre? I enjoy the imagery of people who look like that, it really helps me to see blobby stomachs and lumpy legs and happy shining faces of women.

I started on my media saturation with TEEN magazine at age 11 and until I was about 20 a disgusting amount of my time was devoted to these "plumper lips in 15 days" type of publications. In high school I read Cosmo more than my schoolbooks. Curl your lashes while you sleep. Tone that ass. Keep your highlights shiny. Bigger bust. Long lasting eyeshadow. Learn your skin type. Dont outshine anyone. Force him to ask you to prom. Banish odor. Keep your arms supple. Breath fresh. Eyes shiney. Legs tight. Wax. Pluck. Shave. Tan. Low light. High light. De-emphasize. Enhance. Exfoliate. Moisturize. Count calories. Get rest. Pull an all nighter. Remove callouses. The right shade for you. Dress it up for evening. 23456 simple tips. Shock him. Tease him. Taunt him. Tantalize him. CHOP YOURSELF UP INTO 600 SEXY HAIRLESS MINTY FRESH PIECES FOR HIM.

I went to college and dove so hard into Womens studies I couldnt even begin to explain right now.

So here I am, at 31, 80 pounds heavier than when I was "fat", with zits and stretch marks and rolls and blobs and wrinkles and finally feeling super super happy and cute and sexy and mentally OK with all this shit. I really really took the long road to body recovery, and feel as if all those mega feminist things I read about being truly IN your body, and loving youself and all of that are really in my heart now. Its so liberating and super, I feel shy to even discuss it because I have a LOT of social conditioning in me about "dont brag". But I am happy that I feel good, and I feel like when I look in the mirror that I am seeing JOY and I have never felt that in my life until now! Yay!

For the first time, sex and makeup and clothes and bodies are all in a happy positive fun place in my life. I wish I hadnt had to go through such a long stupid road, but I know tons of women will be stuck on media-row for the entirity of their lives, and for them, I am sad.

This has sure meadered, but it is dedicated to the happy wonderful people at the pool last night.