shine

To rock and be a mother; not necessarily impossible, not necessarily a contradiction, for me a difficult thing logistically...not just to have given birth at some point but to truly live your days with many little children 24-7-365....am I explaining myself or just makin more excuses?....many kick ass incredible women rock hard and have children. How many children and what the whole details are escape me, though.

For me, I didn't pick up a guitar until my first child was 18 months old, and it seems as if the brief sparks of this turning into something I could really do were, like I said, brief. Maybe I suck, I dunno---maybe you feel like a star when you have the stomach flu everyday for half a year. Maybe you crawl out from the bathroom floor and strap on a Fender. Maybe you feel mentally inspired by a steady diet of elmo, stale cheerios, rinsing and wiping little stains, cutting and smooshing tiny lunch foods, and never ever ever sleeping more than 3 hours straight. Maybe I could have tried harder to be able to do all of that, but I did not. Never directly blaming the babies, and ever optimistic (actually 100% confident and patient) that time and music are shapeshifting forgiving malleable things who are not going anywhere, my beautiful guitar sat in its case for years and years. I never felt weird, I never felt worried. I went on to have three more children in 7 more years, and each baby marked very different points in my life. My "comebacks" as I and other veteran mothers call them, have all been very different. Not really measurable in pounds lost or months past, but more in spirit shifts, a re-gaining of the Joy in the Mamajoy, without any kind of tangible severance besides (somewhat) more sleep at night.

What the f am I talking about??

I am ready to jam is all.

I will play just about anything.

I play the kids' guitars, tuning and retuning them until they beg me to stop and then Casey or Charlie will come up and just twist--twist all my tunings away. Usually sounds much better the way they did it. I have been known to play rubber bands. Thats how the old guys did it right?

I play this insanely crotchety bizarre mystery guitar and do not know the name of a single chord. Like I give a shit.

When you listen to the radio, are you like, "oh wowee kazowee this is a jammin Eflat?" Perhaps you do. But I do not at this time. Im not trying to be punk rock or ignorant I just do not, cannot deal with that right now. I need to play songs that are really awesome is all I am saying. I am not detail oriented, as they say. Ill get a secretary for that shit someday, heh heh. You got your big dreamers and you got your people who make little painstaking lists for the big dreamers. Both important folks.

I like songs that sound great and I like to sing. I like to jump and I like to dance. I can say that I am not very good at any of these but the overall effect creates some energies that you do not want to ignore. I am not going to bullshit you and pretend that I dont know that it works all together somehow. It does and it will and thats where Im at today.

I like to rock out and if you put a slow song on the tape you make me I will fastforward past it. Thats all for now.