To explain:

A little more information about this whole me-getting-a-job thingie:

My husband's job started paying him less and less and less, around February. We were initially able to shoulder the "hit" with our tax return, but the slippery slopes of quicksand have only gotten steeper. First it was not paying the utilities--only rent, food, and gas. Then we all got sick, and the 30 dollar co-pays, prescriptions, refills, and endless trips to Rite Aid for more sudafed, kleenex, motrin, tylenol, humidifiers, vicks vaporub, chapsticks, benadryl, claritin, nose sprays, robitussin, mentholated baby rubs, mentholated baby bath, 12 dollar rash creams for the hideous antibiotic-diaper rashes, cough drops...then I started in on Echinacea, Wellness Pills, and expensive acidophilus and other supplements for battles of the yeast that the antibiotics always seem to bring....soon we weren't able to even make the rent, and here is where we still are today. I buy a few groceries and put little 10 bucks here and there in the car and try not to go anywhere.

So.

Obviously things cannot continue in this manner. We need more money and we need it now!

So, seeing as we are not to the point where we are about to abandon homeschooling or any of that, (there is a small but convinced group of people who think it would be best if I put my 2 oldest children in public school, somehow accquire full time daycare for my 3 and 1 year olds before I even receive my first check and got myself a real lady job) either me or Steve needs to work a night and weekend job. The kids will still be homeschooled and raised by their own family, and childcare expenses will still not be an issue.

Now, even though I am up 3-5 times a night with baby Charlie, and Casey comes blasting down my door no later than 6:15am on a good day, and even though I alreadyhave a full time job, thank you very much, I do think that I should be the one to try and take a night position. The idea of getting semi-dolled up at 5pm and knowing I am going to be be-bopping out of here to my hopeful fun and interesting world of The Diner sounds way better than No Daddy Ever Again/single mother nightmare. Which would be my life if Steve was really gone all day and all evening, leaving me with no "break" whatsoever, bumping my hours up to 24 a day instead of about 10 with the just me and the kiddies. Uh-uh. I know better than to think that would be cool at all. I think any glue that is holding us all together would be gone, and in a marriage that runs on tons of love and reciprocity and egalitarian household duties as much as humanly possible, this could spell disaster, frustration, burn-out, resentment and utter and complete exhaustion, which in our lives seems to lead us right back down the path to getting sick again! Argggg! No.

So that's the deal. We are dead meat, kinda waiting for eviction or something, do not know what the hell else to do.

We looked at an adorable house this weekend with a rent payment that is $255 dollars less than we are paying (or not paying!) here. We would love to move there---the kids liked it better than we did, they were ecstatic about moving. (So there goes the theory that it is so sad and mean to shuffle them around) But how to go about it all?

Our lease here is officially not up until August, and if we broke it, I don't see how we could get our enormous deposit money back. But to move we need a deposit for the new place!

I need about 1 to 3 thousand dollars. Thats about what Steve's work has gouged from us out of the blue, and about what we would need to get into the cool new place I found us. It is another 3 bedroom house, with a giant backyard, really cheerful kitchen, attached garage, on the block of this amazing huge forest park with trails and paths and a creek. It is also 2 miles from Steve's LOVELY job, so he could still ride his bike on the days we might need the van. It is a real gem of a find, and the landlord was a cool laid back friendly normal guy.

So. Scary times for us right now, trying to be all positive and excited. Sitting here at 8pm with my eyes all bleary, my shoulders and neck burning from all the housework I did today, lifting, nursing, laundry etc -- on about 4 hours of broken sleep (hey it was Sopranos AND the Survivor finale I stayed up too late) and I think: How in the world could I be at some restaurant right now, be-bopping back and forth and attempting to charm the Harley guys out of their 3 bucks?

But you know, haven't all of us felt really tired around 6, 7, 8 pm and didn't wan't to go out at all, but then we do and we have this big sassy night out and party and socailize 'till 2:30? I'm hoping that whole thing kicks in.

So thats what the job thing is all about. Please wish us luck and don't be afraid to send me ideas, either here or in email. Oh and yes we are going to have a garage sale and try to ebay stuff while we can still afford internet.

Kiss kiss

Off to go watch Heros before dishes time. At least our water isn't shut off. Then I wouldnt be able to wash dishes and clothes and kids and cook all day....hmmmm JUST KIDDING!