lemon blue

In an attempt to surprise grandmas for x-mas, I decided to bleach out all of my brown and blue hair and be a blonde again. I was planning on bleaching it all out to a light blonde and then maybe leaving it that way for a while. It needed a trim, it had lost all of its color and coolness and shape and I wanted a nice new look.

I used level 40 with a strong powder bleach kit (if you know about the beauty supply type of stuff this is the strongest there is) and slathered it all on. As the natural "roots" got blonder and blonder, the blue wasn't doing much of anything...wow...I have experimented with color since I was 18 years old and this was news to me. I let it sit and sit and the roots went as light as they should be allowed to and still, over 50% of my hair was blue, bu a lighter blue. A beautiful if I may so say, very special shade of light light blue which i have always wanted but you cant really buy (that i know of)

So I washed it out, deep conditioned it and cut it a bit. Yellow head with 1/2 minty blue. I was pretty mortified but as we had a family party to be at in a matter of hours, i dried it and curled it and slapped in a semi-festive red flower thingy with red earrings, held my blue and yellow head up high and went to the party.

I don't know what to do now. I could try to go for a light blue or let it grow and grow and keep cutting the blue off and remember that blue can be verrrry hard to remove. I could re dye it blue which would be really vibrant with these freshly bleached roots. Ideas?

Makeup talk-- feels so girly and forbidden!

Iam 32 years old and I have been wearing makeup since I was about 12. Crazy huh? Back then, i did it for fun, or because if you didn't have a little blue stripe under your eye it meant social death in my school or whatnot. I would get the occasional zit and spackle it and enjoyed choosing different lipsticks to go with my outfit. But I didn't feel like I NEEDED makeup until way, way later. Like after my third child.

Go ahead, call me whatever you want to call me. I'm a card carrying member of the third wave-- I read The Beauty Myth the day it came out and Ive gone 2 years without shaving before. Ive been there and done that from different decade-era styles to a seriously short lived period of au natural, dying my hair back to light brown, and eschewing even earrings and bras. (College, what can I say) Where I'm at now is just evening out, perking up, and doing it cheaply and quickly and I think wriitng about it will be of interest to my readers ;)

I think I am doing the world a favor, and certainly my own self esteem in presenting a face that looks like I feel inside. Because the person inside of me does not have grey lips, blotchy broken capillaries on her cheek, straight blonde eyelashes, or light purple sacks under her eyes. The person inside of me is cheery, rosy, sparkley, and yeah, I'm gonna say it, youthful.

So here is the makeup basics that I do to look like myself. I will start with the Wintertime/Bad skin version:

Pluck a few eyebrow hairs. After years spent overboard with that whole thin arch look I endured a long time of looking pretty freaky to have my eyebrows back. I shape a little to enhance the arch that I have which makes me look more awake and friendly and less neanderthal and cross.

Concealer on my zits and my blotches and my scars and my undereye circles.

Mix a tiny tiny amount of some basic beige foundation with some water to make a very translucent and thin wash of color-evening tone in the palm of my hand. Smooth over my face.

Cheapo-bronzer gel on my cheeks for blush. This is a little tube of Bonne Belle that I have had forever but it is so nice and foolproof.

Then I do a big-brush of powder over the whole thing to finish it or whatever the professional term is.

I use lipbalm mixed with red lipstick on my lips and I line them with a darker reddish brown lipliner. I know lipliner is out of style but i need it. My lips are GREY. They need edging. If you don't understand then you are not blessed with grey lips. I applaud you.

I curl my eyelashes. Yes, the scariest of lady-devices, the eyelash curler is now my friend. I used to be afraid f this thing but it is great. You look perky or happy or something when your eyelashes are curled versus straight.

I often wear mascara, but it is double edged sword for me. I feel too fancy with eyemakeup on unless I "do" my whole self up, you know, with an outfit, etc. I have never liked or known how to do too much fancy stuff with the eyemakeup and always feel like I look like a hooker or an old lady or a newscaster and so I shy away from it. So alot of times I don't wear the eyemakeup, just curl the lashes. I had a wealthy friend when I was young whose mom let her get her eyelashes dyed black. She was a very fair girl and had very blonde eyelashes. I thought this was the most exotic thing I had ever heard of and it was only $8. Now I worry about going blind, a little bit, and I just never remember to think about this procedure, but it would be so cool to have dark lashes without gooey glop.

Then, being truly addicted to blush, I usually put on even more blusher in the form of powder blush, a goldey-pink one I have had forever as well.

In the summer, I just do my lips and put on the gel blush and that's it! Even though I haven't purposefully"tanned" in years, I always have a clearer complexion and colorful skin tone when it is summertime.

So, in a way, it is nothing, a little color on the lips and cheeks, but in a way, I feel like I cant believe how rough I look without makeup, after so many years of it being just for fun. Thats ok. I am 32 1/2 years old and it could definitely be worse!

Real youth and 10 minutes of product, side by side.

Tattoo dreaminess

http://blog.tokidoki.it/?p=17

Ummmm
I knew if I waited long enough in my life, and I have, I would find the perfect tattoos for me. Now I have found like a million of them. (see above)

I also want a huge atom on my arm, with maybe little electrons for all of my children, and then the rest, along the lines of these that you see above. I really cant quite fathom how somethings can be so cute.

Yippee!

TV

London Ink! Who knew?

I adore the tattoo shows but the people are so cheesy...like, I like their tattoos but hate the whole Florida/California vibe. But LONDON ink, now? TiVo here I come. I got to watch some of one episode last night and the people couldnt look cooler. I feel a kindred with folks who do not surf 12 months a year, you know? (I also hate Rockabilly style with any smidge of a tan, ewww)

So go watch it on TLC if you have cable and if you want to see beautiful people get incredible tattoos. Sure beats network sludge....

The History channel has completely freaked out! Whereas of course, it was always a noble and austere and "good" thing to watch, I will be the first to admit that World War One shows were usually my natural sleep aid if you catch my drift. But this season, they are doing all these amazing and exciting shows! Shows about death and danger and intrigue and I am really excited to TiVo them (and have no idea when I could watch them! )

I watch Survivor but since my wrestling Playboy freak girl got kicked off, along with my James, I have been kind of disappointed. Its a weird show, but a tradition.

I watch Heroes when I can and am caught up for the season.

With the kids we watch How Its Made (Science channel) and Yo Gabba Gabba and Teletubbies and thats about it. Greta liked Goosebumps for a while but now hasn't asked to see it.

Winter. Sigh. Wish I was doing something jaunty but it seems so difficult once the cold really comes!

Wassup tonight

Hey there! I feel like so many people are not blogging lately-- "holidays" perhaps? I don't know. I have blue hair now and I adore it. the green was kool but this is me fave of all time. I feel like this is what I look like. I used Manic Panic After Midnight Blue. The places in my hair that were nice and damaged took the blue like a sponge-- like the most brilliant indigo, and the healthy newer parts of my hair hardly took the color at all.

Work is still cool, after a little pouting attack on my part last week that "they" were picking on me in the form of new checklists and repeated sticky notes everywhere reminding "us" of the most obvious of our tasks, I had a small paranoid/defensive freak out but I am over it. At 12:15am I am actually kinda grateful for a checklist of all the things we are supposed to do before we can officially close the bar, so I am fine with it now. The customers still love me and tell me the greatest stories! Tales of drunken escapades, curling stories, stuff about their jobs and their grandmothers and their children and The Olden Days. I can't get enough. My face hurts from smiling, and I wonder if they know how genuinely I am enjoying their sharing these things with me. Braggadocios stories of golfing, fishing, bowling, curling and hunting prowess. Embarrassing stuff, personal stuff, wild stuff. Why does the bartender always end up being the shrink? Hey now Grandma can't keep saying I didnt use my degree, heh heh. I listen to peoples problems, I nod and laugh and shake my head at the appropriate times, I care, I worry, I give gentle advice when prodded to, and I remember a good deal of it next time we meet. They tell me thanks for listening, I feel so much better, you really helped me....how is that not psychology? Oh, I know, I don't wear pantyhose, sit in an office, or have to put my children in cindercare for 80% of my income.

Well thats my little contribution to the Everything Joy blog tonight. it is Tuesday and so me and Steve have been having an All American Classic Evening of eating dinner at the actual dining room table with our kids, folding and distributing laundry mountain, reading bedtime stories to one kid while assisting in the teeth brushing of another kid, hanging visquine plastic stuff on our windows with the blowdryer to keep out the drafts, trying to download anything by the incredible band Slumber Party on SoulSeek and being mortified that noone has anything by these guys, laying out little outfits for the kids tomorrow, semi cleaning the kitchen, checking on fantasy football guys online, taking showers, sweeping up Christmas tree needles, and getting ready to watch Heroes and make a little fire in the fireplace while hanging out with Kitty.

I CANNOT believe this is what we used to do 7 nights a week. I am happy for my job but so excited for it to be over, too. Unlike so many couples, we love this and need this, and it has been creepy and sad to not have it. Our household has suffered from the complete cessation of this second part of the day, but hey. We will get used to it, but there is definitely a need for 2 adults here to keep it all going.

minty cold chillin

I am so sorry I haven't written in so long. I have a big case of writer's block and it sucks. Then I get no time on the the computer anymore, work from 6 to midnight, and think when and if i finally get to write, it must be "profound" and voila! I don't write. Lame.

So here's something not profound: I tried to strip out the green hairdye in order to try a new color, and it didn't work very well. This is new for me, I am quite adept in the realm of haircolor and haircolor removal! Why take out the green which everyone seems to love so much? One reason: All my clothes are green! I am serious. It is too much, and I can't take it anymore.

Today it is mint green and blonde and doesn't look very nice, but I am not going to freak out. I am at peace in my warm home while the harrowing, sub-freezing winds whip away all traces of the gorgeous autumn we have had here and make everything harsh and brittle outside---no running to the store for a new color for me today. We are staying in, cuddling, reading, cooking, and enjoying each other. As much as I complain about summer heat, winter really IS a pain in the arse. So stressful to shiver and have to tense up your body just to get the mail. So scary to think of toddlers getting frostbite, keeping up on all the little mittens and boots....definitely have to get our "Mitten and hat box" going again ASAP.

Anyhow, I love you all, I have minty half bleached out hair and I am cold. That's Everything Joy today. :)

"add to cart"

http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/15323537/c/91286.html
Why are all the cute things so expensive? Someone out there is trying to make all the rich people super cute. What a ripoff!

I love these shoes and they even come in 11. Did you know that I wore a size 10 womens shoe from age 10 until I had Mickey? Then my feet were an 11 to stay. Darn! A whole adult life's worth of cool shoes, all too small, and now out of the regular size range. More and more companies have size 11 and 12, but it is either Payless or super expensive high quality places. Sigh. I do not even know how I happened upon shoe websites today, ridiculous but fun. Todays version of window shopping, minus the hot pretzel and parking lot stress? Sometimes I will quite seriously "Add to cart" 3 or 4 hundred dollars worth of stuff online, just to erase it and breathe away the shopping urge. Very harmless, and possibly normal, if I cared.

you know what else I do which is ridiculous? I get all involved in following an Ebay auction for some crazy thing that I would never really be able to buy. Vintage telephones, Mod lounge chairs, paintings, double and triple jogging strollers from Europe, fancy little baby shoes, TShirts from threadless, rainbow wigs, Japanese shoes,Vans and campers and RV's ....don't even get me started on Amazon.com..heehee good thing I am poor huh?

Any other fantasy online shoppers out there? Guilty materialistic shameful pleasure or sensible alternative to actual buying? It is usually fun and then I will sort of blink and think what in the heck am I doing??? and log off.

Work Updates

I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Have I said this too many times now? I work at a historic curling club-- do you know about curling? Have you seen it on the Winter Olympics, or do you get Canadian TV where you live? Well, we have a curling club in my town that goes back to 1885. And I am the bartender! I absolutely love these people. I talk and talk and talk to them and may I be so bold as to say they love me! "Hiya Joy!" "Joy's here!" "Joy, whats your next haircolor gonna be?" "Joy's here, we finally get to drink!" (6:01 pm, totally joking with me)



I have alot of responsibilities, but now that I know what to do, I feel so proud to keep a nice bar and kitchen and have answered the phone, too--these old guys are PRANKSTERS! They call up to the club and pretend to be so-and-so's "boyfriend", or they ask for married women, just to stir up "trouble"-- it is just like Cheers, in a way--except it seems to me that 90% of the people there are "Good Old Joe, John, Bill, Henry...." from forever. So I am just trying to get all their names straight but I love them all. I have yet to meet ONE person who isn't super nice-- even one guy who was kind of gruff to me opened up one night and told me this SAD SAD life-story kind of thing (he had one glass of beer) and now we are bonded!



It isn't all old guys, there are plenty of women and a good deal of younger folks. This is very cool. Unlike a lot of other jobs I have had, where the women are sort of snipey and snooty and clique-y, these ladies are just, cool! They tell me about their cats and their gardens, their husbands and jobs, their cars and their curling injuries, their new shoes and their holiday plans. They trust me with their purses and their cell phones and I keep an eye on all this stuff for them even though they have lockers. I am better at remembering the women's favorite drinks and treats than the men's, although I don't get why yet. There is one young girl who has blue streaks in her hair, which prompted me to tell my bartending superfriend that I used to have blue hair, but I had to get rid of it for job-hunting, and she was like DO IT AGAIN! So I did-- but this time green. Everyone loves it, even this one lady who is quite austere and quite a high ranking female in the club looked me over very sternly the night I walked in with short green hair, looked me over, and did not say anything. Crap! I thought. Maybe it was too soon to do this, they don't really know me yet....



But a little later that night, she came up to me and said "Turn around." and I did, and she said in the same serious voice, "Your new hair is completely darling. I could never do that. Very very cute."



!!!

So, so much for worrying about hair. These people want someone who is nice and cheerful and who makes them feel welcome at their bar. It is a members owned club, and this is the first year they have even had a bartender every night so they are happy! I make popcorn in the big machine, I know alot of drinks now, and mostly, I pour pitchers without any head on top, and I talk talk talk to them all. They keep telling me that I need to get out on the ice, and I laugh. Maybe someday. For now, I am happy to keep all these nice people happy, and I am forever grateful for my friend who got me this ridiculously nice job. it took me a solid 2 weeks for it to sink in that there was no mean boss there was no scariness, there was nothing to be nervous about, and this was not one of those nightmare jobs. I think I carry myself like someone who truly wants to be there, and that hopefully shows, because I do. I am already sad for it to be over in the spring. I work Monday Wedensday and Fridays from 6pm until midnight.

I also have been working all day Saturdays downtown at my friend's technology lab doing office work. It is super boring yet mostly therapeutic and relaxing rather than tedious. We chat some but mostly we are quiet.

So, I am a "stay at home mom", and a "working mom". I look forward to Sundays and Tuesdays when I get to see my husband! Ta ta for now...

Yay, that was so easy!

It is 11:25pm now, and I feel M U C H better! Goodnite!

This simply must be done

So here's the hair story for tonight:

Last November, I went into my bathroom armed only with a dull hair scissors and a box of brown hairdye. Medium Chestnut Brown it was called. I went in with a scraggly blond-with-overgrown roots all one length bob and came out with a deep auburn new hairdo: heavy straight bangs, my home attempt for a Bettie Page kind of bangs, and two little spoinky pig tails. I decided then and there to never be a frump random 30-something Mom-lookin person again, and me and my good friend Amanda worked on little "Paint" program drawings of how I envisioned my cool new self to be. When I thought she would maybe laugh at me, she said in all honesty, "This is how I think of you anyways". I was touched and encouraged to be on the outside the way that I felt on the inside. Strange, eclectic, colorful, artistic, kooky, different, perhaps more Icelandic than Michigan suburbanite, more Martian than Earthling, and within a couple of months, Christmas and little purchases here and there found me with a small pile of new fun socks, a new pair of green buckle shoes, ridiculously great red sunglasses from Target, and bright blue hair that as you all know, made me feel as happy as a lark. The kids were so proud of me and my visionary bravado and they just adored my blue hair, and super importantly, Steve just ADORED my new level of confidence and comfort in my own skin, so to speak. Mama's bright blue hair was just a real positive family event, thats all I remember. I love our family.

I got it in my head that growing this new blue hair long was the next quest. For those of you who have been following this blog for some time, you will recall the pictures I posted of fairies and models with long blue locks. I was convinced that at age 32, it was now or never as far as getting very long hair. I felt like if I grew it long now, I could still be that girl with long blue hair, versus growing it long at say, age 50, and risking looking like some kind of embarrassing midlife crisis person. Ridiculous premise, but I felt so sure that this time, my long hair attempt would not fail, and I would not give up, as it had so many other times, because this time I had the cool color and the darling bangs and the attitude and the wardrobe. I was gonna be a living anime poster, yessiree.

Well, I had to bleach out all the blue in a show of faith that I was job hunting, and that along with some toehr stuff did alot of damage in the meantime. Then the blonde looked brassy and whore-ish and so I colored it brown. Then the brown was too muddy and so I threw in some highlights. Then summer sun and chlorine and constant ponytail holders had gotten my hair in such a state that in my heart, I was beginning to really realize that by the time it was "long", it was gonna look like a haystack. Women's smooth, soft bobbed haircuts began to entice me. I remembered the nice fresh feeling of having newly cut hair, and even started liking the gross and gorrilla-transvesite beast-looking Posh Spice's hair, just because her choppy angled bob looked so much like my old haircuts I used to have. But I thought surely I would regret it, surely I haven't grown this head of hair for a year just to whack it all off, right? Remember my post about loving braids? I gotta have long braids for when I'm a midwife, right? For when I am living on a houseboat in Oregon, right? Long rainbow colored braids were gonna be my thang.

Then Steve called me from work one day and talked to me about getting my hair cut short again. I was so surprised! I wanted to and yet whoa, would I be all sad? I wasn't sure. It seems that the 3 other major times in my life that I grew my hair past my shoulders (age 19, age 25, age 29) I freaked out, cut it short, and then pined away for how long it "almost was".

BUT

I really look pretty bad. I CERTAINLY do not look how I feel inside anymore. I look weird and I don't want to have this dry yellow and brown ponytail anymore. I want soft hair, and I want to look like, I dunno, like I have a look, not just some dangling rug lopped on top of my head.

SO I am gonna cut my hair. Right now, at 10:40 pm in th bathroom, with our friends over and everything. If it turns out bad then by this Friday I can afford to get it fixed, but with my intense distrust of terrible haircutters ignoring me, I need to do what I need to do first, at home, with the dullish hair scissors that are hidden so high away from the kids.

Wish me luck!

YAY

I love my new job!!!
It wasn't scary at all!!!

It was so cool. everyone was so nice to me and the whole place is just cool and friendly. I absolutely loved it. the only thing is that I got home about 12:30am and was kind of "wired" from the upbeat attitude I needed to maintain the whole evening, so I couldn't fall asleep until after 1am, then Charlie cried at 3 am and I dealt with him for a bout 20 minutes, then Casey came in our room at 5:50 and we shoo'ed him out, then he fake went potty THREE times, slamming the door and the toilet seat so many times and stomping and sighing that Steve left the bed and camped out with him on the couch, then Steve's alarm went off at 6:20 and 6:27 and 6:34 and 6:41 and then "wahhhhhhhh" Charlie was crying to wake up for the day before 7, when Steve needed to be at work. Yikes. So, I am tired. But it was really fun and saying that being a busy bartender is different than doing dishes and putting kids to bed and lounging around with Steve is a huge understatement! Its really cool and I look forward to going back tonight.

I wore a very plain outfit--a white t under a blue v-neck sweater and blue jeans, with my hair down and a decent amount of makeup. I wasn't sure. But I feel like if I am going to be stylish or funky I had better start tonight.

I met a guy who, after talking to me for a few minutes, realized that he had met me before, over the friend's home who got me this job--and he was like YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT! DIDN'T YOU HAVE LIKE< UH< PIGTAILS OR STRIPED STOCKINGS OR SOMETHING?

Yes, I said, That was me. (last spring)
I think "you look so different" means "you look way better now", just guessing from the way he said it. Unfortunately, I liked the pigtails and stripey socks me much more! I even told him a little bit that I have procured more "normal" hair for myself as of late because I wanted to get hired and he looked verrry confused and just said something like "I don't think anyone really cares about any thing like that."

I am beginning to realize that it is only a couple of people that hate the crazy hair colors :) 100% of all people I have ever mentioned this idea to (needing blond/brown to get a job)have just given me a blank stare. Yay!

Well, I'm off to go plan an outfit for work. More updates tomorrow!

new job

Tonight I go to my new job and get a look around at what we will be doing--I am very excited! I am going to working as a bartender at a place where indoor sports are played. I don't really want to say where because I have fake ideas that "the stalker" will come get me, but it is a small place, members only, and not seedy scary crusty or smoky. Very cool.

I am going to be working from 6-midnight Monday, 6-midnight Wednesday, and 7-11pm Friday. This will effectively change our family dynamic dramatically. Since Steve works late on Thursdays, and we both work on most Saturdays, we will now only have Tuesday evening and Sunday to do it all. I am bummed, but happy for the work. I wish it wasn't so late, but it is only until spring. We will have to make every penny be worthwhile, whatever that means. Being less poor for 6 months, in some capacity, sounds good to me!

I think we start for real this Friday, and I have not finished my online liquor training course--whoops!! I have to do a good chunk of it tonight, for sure. It is fifteen dollars and 4 hours long, so I have been avoiding/forgetting/reforgetting about it--but none of the other folks did it yet either so I don't feel quite as badly :)

I'll let you all know how it goes!

Björk - Jóga

How much more could I love a song? How much more could I love a singer? Following my daughter's footsteps, I now can add videos to my blog, so enjoy my beautiful Bjork.

No green hair/job updates

I cannot dye my hair because I have a job interview. I will not reveal anything about it because everything I ever blog about is a jinx :)

So, no green, but I did put in some big blonde chunks and I like it.

Steve's "job" has been a flop so far, it is nothing like they described and mostly he is not able to attend impromptu trips across the state on a Sunday evening or 30 miles away at 9 pm until midnight--hello!?

They told him 7 to 8 pm, near your home. I just hope I get something quick so we don't have to deal with this unprofessional shady side business anymore.

I am still working some light clerical on Saturdays with my friend. I like it alot and will be bummed when the project is through. MAYBE there will be more for me to do when this job is done.

Its so weird to not spend very much time with all of us as a family, but maybe somethings can change down the line and we won't have to be apart as much. I would like some combination of Steve getting appropriate pay like he was before his idiotic pay cut this past spring, and living in a tiny cabin, making soap and knitting sweaters and eating rice and beans and homemade lemonade and being off the grid greenies--but with Internet access ;) of course.

Walking

Walked everysingle day, one or two outings, about a mile each. I tried to run for a house or two and, well, its a no go until magical iron bras are in my budget.

My calves hurt and my foot hurts. Looking forward to keeping this up and lengthening the times of walking!

First exercise update

Today I walked for about a mile, fast, with plenty of stops and starts, with the kids.

Then tonight, I walked fast for about 40 minutes with just Casey and Charlie.

A little story

The summer after Casey was born, 2004, I went to the mall to buy a few new things for myself. It was about 11 months postpartum and I wanted some jeans, and maybe a skirt or a t shirt. I went to the Gap, because they had some really cool full skirts in the window, kind of '50's looking, and I was intrigued. I knew that Gap's things, when not on clearance, could be expensive, but I was going to maybe get one skirt.

I looked on the racks, and they were number-sizes, not SML, XL. So I grabbed a 16 and an 18, which was the biggest size in the store. (Gap online has 20. Apparently if you go online, you are allowed to be one size fatter. Silly, huh?)

If these sizes sound "big", or "small", here's a little perspective: I was a 14 when I got married, and I was normal-to-thin. A men's medium or large. I am 6 foot one, built more like a 2-Liter bottle than the typical pear or apple choices.

So, I also grabbed a few tank tops to try on with the skirt in the dressing room, just to make a cute little "outfit" in which to gauge the skirt by. I grabbed XL and XXL tank tops. Off I traipsed, to have a fun little moment with my potential new clothes!

Then, reality shone its oft-cruel light upon me and my crusty mirror.

I couldn't zip the skirt. Not even close. the 18. Wow.

The tank top was nasty--my whole stomach was showing, and it fit like something made for my then 7 year old daughter. Short and thin and w-r-o-n-g. Big armholes, so my bra and fat arms were all flailing out--it was really really outrageous how unflattering this whole scene was.

What only moment ago I had thought was going to be so breezy and darling, was so, so not.

I then did what momentarily sounded familiar and comforting, something I have done time and time again since I got to be this tall in 7th grade: I went back out and went into the men's section. I grabbed a huge sweatshirt, a huge rugby shirt, and some guy's jeans. Screw these slut clothes, I tried to tell myself. I am a mom, I need to be comfortable, I tried to tell myself.



I put on the huge, heavy men's clothing--and the dark, stiff jeans. (Remember it was July and I have a very, very low tolerance for heat) I looked like I have usually looked my whole life--like a big bulky gangsta guy with a girl head, with too big clothes on that were for the wrong season.

I was at a crossroads. Sweaty, hot, pissed, sad, frustrated, disappointed, confused, I could either cry or get it together. Miracle of miracles, I chose to get it together! I quietly took all the stuff, the skirts, the tanks, the jeans, and the huge heavy men's shirts all out to the dressing room attendant lady.

"How did it all work out for ya?" she asked.

"I am officially too fat for The Gap, and I need to go buy some running shoes instead", I told her with not a sulk--but a genuine smile.



And that's just what I did. I got a pair of New Balance sneakers, and a pair of "yoga pants" instead ($6 from old navy!) and went home.

I started walking the next day. At first my legs burned, just from the way that I was walking. But I could walk much farther within a week, with no pain! Soon after, and I mean really soon after, I was walking for up to 2 hours, all around the town!

This kept up into the fall and even holiday cookies and meals didn't do anything to stop my new found weight loss. I bought 2 new pairs of jeans, and those immediately became loose. I swore I was not going to weigh myself, but I did, over at my mom's house, and I had lost 28 pounds by week 11.

I got pregnant with Charlie in January, and that was that.

Some Mamas can keep it all going when they are pregnant. I've known them personally. I think it all seems dynamic and positive and four times I swore "this time will be all different"

and then,
as likely as one is to go on a jog during the lowest lows of a food poisoning attack,
came the puking. and the fatigue. Ten sleeping pills during your food poisoning attack. and the sore boobs. (Is sore possibly a strong enough word? how about please don't tap your foot anywhere by me cause that hurts my whole chest?)

Add to the beautiful little flower that is "Joy while pregnant"--the fact that one of the top triggers to my nausea and vomiting and dry gagging was--get this-- cold air breathed in through my mouth!! Not kidding! Remember it was January? Yep.

So out the door went the walking. My baby was due in late October and I was HUGE by June. Yeah. With a 12 pound kid brewing in there, he could have weighed 7 pounds by then , who knows? Anyhow, that's my story. I had a c section, etc, and here I am today. I got on track to fitness and felt great and strong a few years ago and I can do it again. But this time, I am gonna run.

I will be a running girl someday soon.

You know, my body feels like it is falling apart. I used to be a sports girl, a sports star, even, in a few of my seasons. I played Field Hockey, Volleyball, Soccer, Basketball and Swimming every semester except one, from 6th grade until 12th grade graduation.

Then, at 17, I went to college. You ever hearda the freshman fifteen? I gained about three of those. I went from Mommy's home, and her normal meals, and being a athlete, a decent one, too--to the Krazy world of my own dorm room, and nachos and beer and pop and pizza and beer and pop and nachos and beer and pop and....oh whoops I just wrote out my whole menu plan from college. Running? No way, I laid in bed, read books, ate my treats. Went to classes, got back in bed, watched some TV.

I am kidding, sort of. I actually was not some big drunk. I still bought groceries from the grocery store, and who knows what I bought. I know alot of nachos and nacho supplies and nacho accoutrements were involved, that's for damn sure.

Then I moved in with Steve when I was 20, and we chowed merrily.

Then I had a baby at 22 and gained 55 pounds. (Lost 30)

blablabla

So what I am getting at is not some self hate thing, but a genuine concern for my poor old bod. I want to walk, hell, I want to RUN again! I want to hold my skeleton up with its own musculature--can't even remember that feeling. I want to stretch and strengthen, and I want to feel firmly planted on this Earth, not tipping, leaning, tottering, teetering, tight, mincing steps, burning backaches, etc.

I would like to become a runner.

There is alot of symbolism in this for me, as I am doing some personal training mentally for some stuff that I would like to see happen in my life over the next year or two. But the idea of becoming a runner, like my first midwife was, always has been at the back of my mind.

My husband is my biggest inspiration. He is getting so in shape it is kind of making me feel weird. If he can do it, the last person on Earth can. No offense to him, on the contrary, he is living proof that complete piglets and couch potatoes can totally transform their body shape by exercising less than 60 minutes a day. He eats more than ten freshmen, I promise. He had to get all new jeans this weekend, and new shirts, too. He looks so cute I want to fold him up and put him in my purse and set him on the dashboard of my minivan when I am driving. All he did was ride his bike 2 miles, four times a day.,then he started doing push ups and some crunches.

So, I think I am going to wait until the mercury goes below 80 and start walking. Fast. By myself or with the stroller and Charlie. I just can't stand feeling like a bag of jello anymore. Its kind of scary and powerless to feel this floppy and brittle. If I end up looking hot then hallelujah. But I really, really do not care. As you well know, I enjoy happy hairdos and funky shoes, and definitely have no money for new clothes.

This is about something totally different. Power.

I know, I seriously have a problem: a study in pictures of my hair coloring madness

All of these hairdo's are from this March until now. I think I was in denial about exactly how many hair colors I have had in 7 months. I think this is all of them. I always thought the people who said "We never know what you'll do next, Joy" were pretty lame and that they were making fun of me or something but now I can see some validity in the statement.

Looking back, I think that blond is photogenic, but the hardest to make work in real life. (I just can't seem to make the black and white with a tinge of pink lighting guy follow me around the town! Damn.)

I also miss my official bangs, having sort of given up on them for a little casual side-swipey thing since early summer. But with the real bangs, I did have to dry and curl them and use hairspray--none of which I am really very interested in doing. Now I wash my hair and let it dry and that's it. If I blow dry it, it gets so fluffy and weird, I don't like that at all.

These last three are from tonight. It is all dull and brownish and brassy and scraggly, so I am going to trim the bottom a bit, put in some big blond chunks and color those chunks iguana green. Wish me the best. I've heard that green doesn't come out. Which is fine by me, because red lasted about one shampoo!

Iguana Green

Steve got a second job!!

I got a job!!

He is going to be cleaning T-Mobile stores for one hour a night, dust-mopping and mopping and buffing the floors. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays after work.

I am going to be doing some office work (putting papers in order into folders) with my friend on Saturdays.

SO...you know what this means: I GET TO DO A FUN HAIR COLOR! WOOHOO!

I am going to do a chunk or two of GREEN. I think it will be awesome. I will post pics as soon as I get a chance to do it. It was hard to find green hairdye, I actually had to go to a a local "famous" sex shop. It was still mildly hilarious in there, but I tried to act cool and not embarrassed or silly. I asked for my green 'dye, paid and got out. HAHAHA we used to go in there as teenagers and gawk and giggle and now I just didn't really care. I was way older than the leather dudes that worked there, whom I used to fear and be so amazed by, while we perused the Doc Martens and naughty bumper stickers, fishnet stockings and skull earrings--now I could see them for who they always were: 23 year old boys who wore some black leather.

"Iguana Green" by Special Effects is what I got. I am going to put in some bolder blond pieces and then do a couple of them green.

Show ya soon!