Lady clothes

A topic near and dear to my heart: my interest in fashion and my deep vomitous aversion to lady clothes---and how I have been misjudged,mislabeled and misunderstood as a tomboy when in fact I am a girl girl girl.

When I was 10 years old, starting 6th grade, I was five foot three. By the end of that school year, I stood five foot eleven. I wonder if I even weighed 100 pounds.

So there I was, taller than all the women's clothing made in the world, barely eleven years old, size ten shoes, the largest size you could get in normal stores. Years before I was old enough for high heels, I was already too tall to wear them, and so, I never learned how to walk in 'em. This is how I started out! Way before I was even a teenager, I was severly limited in my options. I wore my school uniform by day, my field hockey, volleyball, and soccer uniforms after school, and on the weekends....ewwwww you don't wanna know. Wierd flood everything--and there was no "cropped", these were floods---hard to blame my mom when I grew 8 inches in 8 months---but there were flood pink pants, flood acid wash jeans, and flood black pants. Random sweaters from christmas,( ladies' medium, too wide and too short for the stalk of spaghetti that was me) and perhaps a pastel polo type of shirt from kmart or kresge.




Fast forward to when I "turned cool" --- I had a depeche mode Tshirt, a new order Tshirt, flood jeans and a jean mini skirt. Everything else has been forgotten. I had black chucks, black tights, and a few shirts from my boyfriend. Anything skirt or dress in my closet was so far out of the realm of what I considered even remotely attractive, modern, current, or wearable, that it soon became this thing that I was some kind of tomboy, masculine, manly, and my *family* liked to rub that in. but it wasnt really true! I had a CABOODLE (remember those, anyone??) of makeup, a zillion earrings, probably 8 perfumes, and --ahem-a decidedly not tomboyish underwear collection. Did my hate of FLATS and PUMPS and sickest of all--PANTYHOSE--really make me a mans man? I grape-sprunch sprayed my sun-in'ed bob while curling my eyelashes before dawn every single morning, blue eyeliner, turquoise eyeliner, peach gloss, pink gloss, dozens of nail polishes----black bikini, peach bikini----but no love for the LADY CLOTHES. Ever.


To me, since somehow, someway, there seemed to be no cool feminine clothes in my world, maybe Madonna or Bjork or the rich kids had awesome stuff like I would have liked---but in reality, the skirt or dress came to symbolize deeply irksome events ONLY. Family portrait, Church thingamabob, Holidays, forced visitations to Moms Work or Sisters Recital. I felt so ugly so itchy so gross gross gross gross, in the hand me downs and borrowed 40 year old womens stuff that vaguely fit me (with safety pins) that it wasnt until my first dance that I wore a dress and felt ok. But a dance doesnt count.






Fast forward a long way...to my first grown up job. Age 19. Corporatesville. Crap! Will I need lady clothes???? Im making $9.25 an hour---astounding money for me, minimum wage was 3.90 or maybe 4.15, but it was part time due to the fact that I was a full time college student, and so it was good money and yet not enough to get some sweet new wardrobe....so I kinda faked it. I wore black cotton tights. Black buckle Doc Martens. ($130 bucks in 1993 you better believe they were my only shoes!!) One little short black A-Line skirt from the "new store" Old Navy. Cardigans from the thrift store, and one white t shirt. oh--and a pink, purple and yellow swatch watch with a huge eyeball on it. Every single day. With a long silver necklace from contempo! hahahaha! Remember Contempo!!!?? Sheesh.

My older co-workers loved me, and said nice things like "you can get away with that", "youre so cute" and scarier things like "i dont know how you dont get written up", "that is bullshit"....and this was when NOBODY dressed the way they do at work now. It was 3 piece suits, power shoulder pads, hose, pumps, period. Except I did not.

I got married, loved my wedding dress. Duh. But beyond that it has been years and years of concert T's, jeans, chucks, with dreams of fun dresses, dreams of stripey tights, and kind of growing into the not working/wear what u want/but some image as a mom to work out stuff.......and well somehow here I am!

I still detest powder-smelling stinky stuffy itchy vile lady clothes, but now I know what it is exactly that I detest. It isnt anything about being a girl. I have never ever been happoier to be a girl. Its about being ME. Maybe I will never have enough money to own all the outfits I dream of, and maybe creating them will be my only option. But the world of fashion has become ALOT more accessible, I see what the magazines are calling "Work jeans" and i am so curious to see if this is really true or not...but for something as near and dear to my heart as outfit-imagining, I will never be sad if purple hair, cherry barrettes, chuck taylors wth tights or shirtdresses in psychotic fabrics turns popular. because I love that stuff, and I would relish the idea of it being easier to obtain.






Somedays I am a girl and somedays I am a woman---but I never, ever want to be a LADY. Unless we are playing tea party. (But even then I might fight ya for dibs on being the cat or the baby or maybe even the grampa.)

********************

boo hoo

I have only a few birthday scenarios and they play out again and again---

1)Me being sick

2)It snowing really hard

3)It being eerily, creepily warm and humid

Today is my birthday, and although I am very happy about it, I am also very sick. I think it is suppossed to be wierdly warm, too, like 74 and thundershowers. See?

Its crazy how many little blurred memeories I have of trying to sit up and be cheerful about the present, trying to taste cake or special meal without my tastebuds, head spinning, chest tight, throat clogged, ears stinging, face pounding.

Next year I will try with all my heart to remember to go on some secluded health-vigil the last week of March! But for today, I will try to savor the strong deja vu and look SO forward to my new year. 2007 has been extreme, and so to me, a-la Chinese New Year, TODAY marks the "new year". I am 32 now--lets let the good times roll.

they pay me to turn 32?!

My grandma sent me fifty bucks for my birthday and my mother and father in law sent me 30. i also had five bucks in my purse all smashed so that counts, too. So I have 85 bucks. I am trying to really not pitch this money in to "the family" as I have done with every single penny I have ever received as a Joy gift in ten years of marriage. I am also going to get a night job a couple of nights a week at this one cool beerhaus thing that seems non molesterish and up-beat and clean. I have no idea if they are hiring but I dont care. Maybe they will see my purple hair and think I will cheer up the joint.


I am trying to think of things I want to save up for and so far it is:

pink chucks
all the bumper stuckers i could ever dream of on cafepress.com
a little videocamera/dvd camera whatever those are that are little
a Fender Rhodes
a Mellotron
a mini Moog
a new guitar although that is so mean to my guitar...so maybe a bass. a yellow one.
a non raping bike seat
fountain pop machine
slurpee machine

send me ideas--maybe I am forgetting something I always wanted! My own hair coloring salon-dance club perhaps?

documentaries

I like to see stuff that is awesome and then go on ahead and do that. Have that. Make that. Be a part of that.

So next on the horizon as soon as I can afford to buy one, is going to be joy and her little videocamera. Because, you see, dear friends, I am going to be filming it all now. Or lots of it. If you never wanted to be the one in the chair on the documentary, fake looking at someone stage left, slightly diagonal camera angle, maybe a little cigarette on the side table, sweet music playing while you are talking (actually playing, not over-dubbed)....well then too bad, cuz its happening sooner than later if you come around me.

As much fun as I am having with the irfanview software for the pictures I have taken with my camera, I can only imagine what i'm gonna do with film, moving pictures. Please someone tell me there is cool stuff I can do with moving video, as far as "effects"---AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am too excited. So everyone brush your hair and think of something clever to say cuz you're goin' down in celluloid history whether u like it or not
;)

i wanna shirtdress now

this

plus

this

plus

chucks

plus cardigans

plus blue hair

is

all

i'm

saying

I have been in quest of dresses since I was a teenager. I want shirtdresses, like from the 50s, but in amazing vintage fabrics. duh. Who doesnt, right? Well, when my only body challenge was being 6 foot 1, it was one thing but now that I have filled out, forget about it. Anything I have ever found in a resale shop wouldnt button around my little finger let alone my bod.

So the semi obvious choice of finding the perfect pattern and sewing it reared its head a few times but didnt amount to much. Still need to persue that one more.....

Right now in fashion, there is a great return to the Dress. By fashion I mean old navy or the mall or something---hahaha but still, i do not LOVE the ones I am seeing. A big problem is the current rebirth of the EMPIRE WAIST which, when I say rebirth, I do mean MATERNITY---

these things look like preggo clothes on the skinniest preteens, why on he good earth would I ever want to wear something so heinously unflattering? Mix the highwaist in with the fact that no matter how "plus size" i go, the thing will be all worng and cut for some one half my height (ok not half my height but probably 5 foot 6)

I am kind of getting to the point where I will have to make my own or find someone who will.

tra la la

When you are at karaoke, what is your angle?

To sing a song that you think you will sound really good at?

To sing a song that totally and perfectly fits the evening?

To sing a song that the crowd will surely rock out to?

To sing a song that you love despite any hope of a talented effect?

To sing a song that you think will have a secret message for someone in the room? A Little fun twist of a lyric perhaps?

Tell me what you think!

shine

To rock and be a mother; not necessarily impossible, not necessarily a contradiction, for me a difficult thing logistically...not just to have given birth at some point but to truly live your days with many little children 24-7-365....am I explaining myself or just makin more excuses?....many kick ass incredible women rock hard and have children. How many children and what the whole details are escape me, though.

For me, I didn't pick up a guitar until my first child was 18 months old, and it seems as if the brief sparks of this turning into something I could really do were, like I said, brief. Maybe I suck, I dunno---maybe you feel like a star when you have the stomach flu everyday for half a year. Maybe you crawl out from the bathroom floor and strap on a Fender. Maybe you feel mentally inspired by a steady diet of elmo, stale cheerios, rinsing and wiping little stains, cutting and smooshing tiny lunch foods, and never ever ever sleeping more than 3 hours straight. Maybe I could have tried harder to be able to do all of that, but I did not. Never directly blaming the babies, and ever optimistic (actually 100% confident and patient) that time and music are shapeshifting forgiving malleable things who are not going anywhere, my beautiful guitar sat in its case for years and years. I never felt weird, I never felt worried. I went on to have three more children in 7 more years, and each baby marked very different points in my life. My "comebacks" as I and other veteran mothers call them, have all been very different. Not really measurable in pounds lost or months past, but more in spirit shifts, a re-gaining of the Joy in the Mamajoy, without any kind of tangible severance besides (somewhat) more sleep at night.

What the f am I talking about??

I am ready to jam is all.

I will play just about anything.

I play the kids' guitars, tuning and retuning them until they beg me to stop and then Casey or Charlie will come up and just twist--twist all my tunings away. Usually sounds much better the way they did it. I have been known to play rubber bands. Thats how the old guys did it right?

I play this insanely crotchety bizarre mystery guitar and do not know the name of a single chord. Like I give a shit.

When you listen to the radio, are you like, "oh wowee kazowee this is a jammin Eflat?" Perhaps you do. But I do not at this time. Im not trying to be punk rock or ignorant I just do not, cannot deal with that right now. I need to play songs that are really awesome is all I am saying. I am not detail oriented, as they say. Ill get a secretary for that shit someday, heh heh. You got your big dreamers and you got your people who make little painstaking lists for the big dreamers. Both important folks.

I like songs that sound great and I like to sing. I like to jump and I like to dance. I can say that I am not very good at any of these but the overall effect creates some energies that you do not want to ignore. I am not going to bullshit you and pretend that I dont know that it works all together somehow. It does and it will and thats where Im at today.

I like to rock out and if you put a slow song on the tape you make me I will fastforward past it. Thats all for now.

R.E.M.

Last night I watched the VH1 broadcast of the rock and roll hall of fame inductions. First of all, they just LEFT OUT some collaboration of I wanna be your dog---what the #@@$@$ would make them do that?? I watched this thing for 2 1/2 hours and got screwed out of the finale. Its probably on youtube.

R.E.M. got inducted by Eddie Vedder. Although the idea of Pearl Jam grates me, Eddie is truly a pal, he really is. Poor sweet thing, he didnt kill himself, he is completely true to himself, and here he is, in 2007, with his moonpie sincere Eddie face, his exact same voice, and what looks to be his exact same shirt. Good. I don't want certain musicians to grow and change physically, and Eddie is one of them. He needs so many hugs, dear Eddie. But we arent that close, its not like that for me and Eddie. And thats ok.

His tribute speech to R.E.M. was the closest thing to perfect I have heard in a long, long time. In a world of bloated speeches and idiotic spraying of superlatives, he followed a very different course, describing his intimate discoveries of the band in 83/84, and the way he descibed how Michael Stipe does his magic gave me chills on my chills. For them to play what they played instead of big hits or new songs was just so kick ass. I was beaming from ear to ear to heart.

I think many many people are aware of R.E.M. as this really solid college rock band, I don't know too many folks who dont have a decent amount of respect or like for them--but thats not it at all for me, you see, these guys are my dear, dear friends, and we have grown up together in so many ways. Shy curly Michael, funny hats Michael, the newspaper suit on SNL with me watching so in love on my black and white TV in my childhood bedroom at 12:50 am with the sound off so I didnt get busted for being up so late... Murmur, Fables, Lifes Rich Pageant on the pink boombox on the edge of my bed...GREEN? Jesus Christ the Tourfilm for Green, could I be more proud of my very first true true love? Michael was my first gay boyfriend, before Morrissey, before Bernard Sumner, Andy Bell, Neil Tennant, Martin Gore, various boys at school, or even Andy Warhol, me and Michael were tight. I loved him and he was cool with it. When he got really sassy after Out of Time and started hanging out with all my freinds from the Seattle scene in 92, he didn't forget his roots--or me. I was so proud of my shy sweetie up there in his eyeliner and sparkle pants--you go darlin.
He and Kurt became close, and I hope they shared more than guitar chords. Sweet babies. So sick that he had to kind of hang out with Courtney for a while after, but I would have, too. she was all we had to cling to there for a minute in 94, until we all got our feet back on the ground, or close to it. My feet are still crooked after what happened to K but Im getting there. Time does heal, sort of. (With big big scars.)

To see my Micheal up there with Eddie was bittersweet. I thought it was a painful reminder of so many unresolved early 90's hurts, from Bill Berry leaving the band, to Kurts death, to the shocking disintegration of radio music since about April 6th 1994...but Eddies love and admiration for my Michael really reflected mine, and although I will probably never feel like popping in the Pearl Jam cd outside of a class reunion, I hope that him and Eddie had a great time together that night.

I dreamed about R.E.M. all night last night, and I can't shake the dust off my mind today. I like sleeps like that.

Beautiful swimmers

I went swimming all by myself last night at the local pool. Since I didnt have the kids with me, I felt silly just playing being goofy...but the crazed old people who swim 355 laps intimidated me so I didnt want to play by them either. So I made up this workout thingy:

In the rib-deep water I walked really fast holding a kickboard out in front of me for balance and resistance. It was hard and fun! It seemed to burn my legs much more than swimming and regular swimming still hurts my back somewhat.

I did my water-walking thing for about 45 minutes! I was so sweaty--in the water! Gross! but it was great. I could feel that my bottoms of my feet were getting harshed up and wished for those water shoes all the aerobic grannies had. My old German guy pal and the Mail-lady told me I was doing great. Encouraging! Emabarssing! they were staring at my blue hair laying on my shoulders but did not ask. What is there to ask? "Is your hair blue?" ---clearly. right? Or maybe they thought I had a terrible chlorine reaction--haha.

Near the end of the hour, (open swim is only one hour on Wednesdays) I realized they let you play in the 9 foot part! whoa! So I did that. Just wierd floating and fake underwater walking and stuff. So fun to just be wierd.

I love swimming for 10,000 reasons--but you know what was really cool? There were these two people, a guy and a girl, and they were doing crazy races in the 9 foot--they swam SO fast, they were making crazy waves, blast blast back and forth back and forth. And when they got out of the water, I saw that they were very large people, maybe 3 or 400 pounds. Thats why swimming is so neat! Good for them! I wish I was that fast! I can still swim really fast but only for VERY short distances as my lung capacity is so so pathetic. I practically drown doing 2 laps, seriously. And if I try to leave my head out like some wierd hair-do lady it hurts my neck.

I love the aerobics class ladies who are there before open swim, because they are getting together in community companionship, they are laughing and having fun, they are taking time for themselves, and they are absolutely covered in cellulite, from head to toe. With bright coral lipstick, and wierd aqua-shoes---they were so beautiful! Am I bizzarre? I enjoy the imagery of people who look like that, it really helps me to see blobby stomachs and lumpy legs and happy shining faces of women.

I started on my media saturation with TEEN magazine at age 11 and until I was about 20 a disgusting amount of my time was devoted to these "plumper lips in 15 days" type of publications. In high school I read Cosmo more than my schoolbooks. Curl your lashes while you sleep. Tone that ass. Keep your highlights shiny. Bigger bust. Long lasting eyeshadow. Learn your skin type. Dont outshine anyone. Force him to ask you to prom. Banish odor. Keep your arms supple. Breath fresh. Eyes shiney. Legs tight. Wax. Pluck. Shave. Tan. Low light. High light. De-emphasize. Enhance. Exfoliate. Moisturize. Count calories. Get rest. Pull an all nighter. Remove callouses. The right shade for you. Dress it up for evening. 23456 simple tips. Shock him. Tease him. Taunt him. Tantalize him. CHOP YOURSELF UP INTO 600 SEXY HAIRLESS MINTY FRESH PIECES FOR HIM.

I went to college and dove so hard into Womens studies I couldnt even begin to explain right now.

So here I am, at 31, 80 pounds heavier than when I was "fat", with zits and stretch marks and rolls and blobs and wrinkles and finally feeling super super happy and cute and sexy and mentally OK with all this shit. I really really took the long road to body recovery, and feel as if all those mega feminist things I read about being truly IN your body, and loving youself and all of that are really in my heart now. Its so liberating and super, I feel shy to even discuss it because I have a LOT of social conditioning in me about "dont brag". But I am happy that I feel good, and I feel like when I look in the mirror that I am seeing JOY and I have never felt that in my life until now! Yay!

For the first time, sex and makeup and clothes and bodies are all in a happy positive fun place in my life. I wish I hadnt had to go through such a long stupid road, but I know tons of women will be stuck on media-row for the entirity of their lives, and for them, I am sad.

This has sure meadered, but it is dedicated to the happy wonderful people at the pool last night.

personal imagery

How I did it--

blue it shall be

Im gonna dye my hair blue tonight!
We took a family vote.
Blue was hands down.

Ill be sure to post pics........

bathin beauty

I ordered this bathing suit from LandsEnd. It really fits awesome and I am pleased. There is a secret underlayer that is tight as a sausage but then the little overlayer looks floaty and casual. I swam and swam with the kids and I dont think I adjusted it once. no wedgie, no boob-pop-out, nothin!

There is no bathing suit that can help with my new grandma elephant legs but hopefully someday I will be able to work out and all that jazz. Right now I can barely stand up or sit back down due to extreme extreme back pain and stiffness. I cant even put on my own pants or socks.

Looking forward to summer!

wowee airbrush

http://homepage.mac.com/gapodaca/digital/bikini/bikini1.html
scroll over this craziness

then try the side ones

sigh

eyebrows and ponytails

I overplucked my eyebrows, big time about three weeks ago. It is easy to do. Just start plucking and go overboard and look like an idiot!

This takes time to regrow but they are looking alot better now. My natural eyebrow shape is very pointed and slanty, and somehow I ended up with more rounded, which looked horrible on me. The eyebrows are the frames of the face, and I am usually pretty good at this. You can tell if you did your eyebrows wrong if you look expression-less and wierd. Which I did.

My hair is finally long enough for ONE PONYTAIL!!!! I am so happy. Yes there are wispies but that looks cute if you have an actual outfit on. (With pajamas, not so much. )

Now I have a more sophisticated option for continuing to grow my hair and have the little bangs. My hair grows really really fast and I am certain that by this Christmas the memories of the little choppy Bob hairdo will be amazing to even recall.

I cannot wait until I really do have the long long hair that I crave. I will have two braids or one ponytail or one bun and I just love that. Hooray!

more special makeover tips for the frugal mama

So whats a time challenged flat broke Mama suppossed to do to look and feel KEWL? Try some of these cheapie tricks of mine and soon you will be the one who is as righteous on the outside as you feel on the inside!

Buy 2 or 3 essential oils that you love. I use patchouli, orange, dewberry and lavender on a regular basis. If I had my wish, I would also have rose, bergamot, tangerine and peppermint in my home.

These are now your perfume! You can mix them into cheap unscented lotion for body lotion. You can drop them in your bath. You can drop them onto your bed. You can shake them onto little cotton things and put them in the dryer. Now you are yummy and cool.

Wash your face with Neutrogena. It is under 3 bucks and the best stuff there is.

Scrub your face with the best scrub you can afford, and use a tiny bit of it. If you cant do a scrub, wash your face with a washcloth and the Neutrogena bar and dont be afraid to really scrub!

Save up your dollars until you have 20 of them. Do not hesitate one second while you plunk them all down for Origins' Charcoal mask. The stuff it sucks out of your face is worth it, and it lasts for a LONG time.

Cut your own hair
Color your own hair.

Does your hair make you look SUPER CHEERFUL? Do you look in the mirror and feel waaaay different inside than you look on the outside? I lived most of my life this way, but now I am free! Get a hairdo that is HAPPY AND FANTASTIC to you, despite what is in style with the freaks who you hate anyhow.
Get a hairdo that you think someone who would be extremely intriguing to you would have! There! Now the intriguing one is YOU!

If exercise makes you feel great and strong, then make time for it! Like you make time for blogging or watching survivor, make time for exercise IF YOU LIKE IT.

If eating healthy makes you feel great and strong, then take a few minutes and learn how to make a few nice things. Eat some fresh fruits and veggies everyday and you will be on the way to health! Apples are super cheap and so are carrots!

As far as body image stuff, just get some clothes that fit you right now. Dont suck, stuff, smash or hurt yourself. Dont wear giant baggies just to hide. You have a size that fits you nicely, so if it is 4 or 44, it is ok! Start with a pair of jeans. Try www.zafu.com to find a pair that will be cool for you. Mine were 19.99 Levis so it isnt too expensive.

If you are broke, I understand. Try to come up with een one or two shirts a month, just plain basic stuff under 15 bucks. Old Navy and Target are cool enough to not feel like some mutt and plain enough that no one will notice if you wear them ALL the time.

When you can afford to, try to work in a few special pieces. Mine was my magic skirt from www.muddypeople.com from christmas. I wear it twice a week, or so, and thats fine by me! then I can be that one girl with the hippie skirt!

If you do find a key pice that rocks your world then try to get another one when you can. This goes for shoes, too. Be that Mama who has 4 colors of ____. Now you are on your way to a LOOK!

Hilarious cheap sunglasses rule. Get a pair and rock em.

Wet n Wild makes the best lipliner...99 cents...mix it with chapstick and now you look like you have nice lipstick on.

I would not use cheapo foundation. If you wear this, spend as much as u can or just skip it and rub a little bronzer (bonne bell 4 bucks) into your lotion.

2 dolar eyelash curler
Maybelline Great Lash (3 bucks)
now you have fabulous cat eyes!

Citre shine shine spray--the original and best. Now your fried and dyed hair looks shiny ; )

But some lame headbands and cover them with fantastical fabrics. You could hot glue them or just regular glue.

When your baby was up all night for the last 9 years and you havent eaten a whole food in weeks...when coffee is all you drink, there is no hope of a shower today, and all your cool clothes are in the hamper smashed under the spaghetti, juice, poo, and pee things from the little darlings....try this ray of hope:

Spread Noxema (that old minty wierd white stuff) all over your face. Leave it on.
Put on a new outfit, undies, socks, the whole thing. Put on new perfume. Brush your hair and try to scrape it into little pigtails or some kind of barrette or hat. Wash off the Noxema. Brush your teeth. Stretch high high high into the sky. Stretch down down down to your toes. Put on actual shoes. Take a B vitamin and turn on your favorite music.

Now you are ready for more coffee and nursing on the couch! But now you feel like a real live Kewl-Mama!

makeover tips for under 10 bucks

So now that I have the digi camera you will be treated to more real pics and less fantastic wig ladies. I dont know if this is a move I will regret but hey.



So this was my hair. I walked into the bathroom and came out about 55 minutes later .....


















And had this hair!













You, too, can save thousands of dollars and scads of horrible humiliating loser idiot hairdressers who dont listen to you and who get rich off of your IMAGINED lack of talents will roll in their graves as you walk in beauty for under 10 bucks
all
the
time!

I put on the brown hairdye. When covering bleached hair, do not use anything that is described as Golden or Ash. You want to look for Natural or no word at all when describing the BROWN. I used Nutrisse's Medium Natural Brown. Then I put in tiny stripes of Manic Panic pillar red.


When cutting your own hair, use a sharp scissors and really study how the hair falls and acts when you are living your life. Figure out where layers and bangs are coming from, like at the top of your head--and then cut! Use two or three mirrors for the back. Allow for shrinkage.

I have re dyed it several time since then (december) always the same Medium Natural Brown. I have cut the bangs MANY times since then. I have opted to not redo the red stripes but am seriously considering Blue, Green, or Purple as an overcast.

Greta suggested that I should do seasonal hair, which I am all in favor of and adore her for her open minded artistic cool.
Blue hair in winter
Green hair in spring
Orange and Pink in summer
Red in fall

LOVE this idea...

To do the overcast (my word) I will be using a highlighting kit, as I like the thickness of the bleach they give you. I plan on doing a large amount of the outer layer of my hair wit the bleach and then after washing it out, and blow drying it (very important when using manic panic!) I will fill in all the blonde parts with the fun color.
I'll let u know!

better times

Oooooh man things are lookin up.

I got a real live BED! A bed, an actual gorgeous bed! We have been sleeping on the floor on a mattress for years now...and now we are grown ups in a real bed. I went to IKEA with my friend yesterday and got some cool stuff. But nothing wierd or really indulgent or dumb--you cannot shake the "frugal" out of me that quickly, even it is my once a year shopping time.

We got our tax return and it is all allotted out for me to get a car, pay some bills, start a savings account, and some was allotted for a bed/house stuff. Hooray! IKEA is the funnest place ever to me and with no babies with me it was a whole different thing. thanks Dada!

I also got us a vacuum, a fake Dyson--meaning it is yellow : ) but for 70 bukcs instead of 400, it really does clean! It practically drags you across the house! My floors are clean now...

Somehow my hair is loveable now, too--funny how that works--hee hee so nothing off track, still growin and ponytailin...

I almost won a van on Ebay, but lost the auction at the last minute. Im sure there is one for us out there--I am just tired of waiting!

February is hard, and it is already the 11th. Breathe.......soon we can go outside even if we don't have a car, walking and gaining strength. I cannot WAIT.

Here is our bed:

Time for a little boost?

I dont know what to do now about my hair.

I am trying to keep things in perspective.

Is it my hair or everything in my life that is broken/absent/f#$%-ed up right now that is really wrong.

Do we all change our hair when things are out of control?

Can I really wear two tiny pigtails until it is "long"?

Will I get two tiny bald spots or anything like that?

Do I actually look cute/ok/human?

Would an outer coating of bright red be fun?





When I picture a new hairdo, I always picture this gorgeously made up face, clean and matching clothing, a fresh perky outlook....



So would dirty filthy damaged stump ponytails with a cream cheese, jelly, ketchup crusted too small t shirt, snowman flooded pj pants, woolen legs, pale grey skin and zits on the tiredest tiredest tiredest Mama EVER really look that much awesomer with red stripes in them?




God I cannot wait until my imaginary new life starts soon. Ya know, the traveling jaunty mommy I could be once we get the vacuum, dryer, car and health all back?

Maybe I will wait to do the color-job until then.

i worry/human rights

As a mother who is home with four little kids all day long,

I miss the human right to have moods. My friends say "Joy, its OKAY to not be happy all the time." But do they really get what this entails? The reprocussions? They do not.

I miss the human right to be ill and have a day off work. God do I wanna call in sometimes. Are my unused vacation days being accrued somewhere?
I miss the human right to sleep and a daily shower.
Like the vast majority of grown-ups, I have someone at home who needs me. A dog. A roommate. Even the jet settiest TV stars seem to have an iguana or something keeping them from true unhindered autonomy. Sometimes I think it is in our nature, to have someone or something that needs us, but mosttimes I think living away from a tribe is unnatural in itself and the root of the problem so there lies the problem right away, no communes in metro detroit, etc.

So If YOU get sick, do you get to "call in"? Do you get to lay on the couch all day? What about if you had major surgery? Do you worry about this kind of stuff?
Sometimes I don't dare try a sport or anything even remotely physical, for fear of the real possibility of a twisted ankle, broken arm, or worse. What would I do?

I think I do not have anyone in my life who could help me out. Is this common?

When I had a c-section, Steves work called him in the second day I was still in the hospital. My friend took my three kids to the movies and cesarland. Steve's parents raked our leaves. My sister, bless her heart, tried to hire me a housecleaning lady, but she turned out to be the laziest most un-helpful hinderance and when I came out at the end of day one with the fact that she did not help at all, and in fact, she made us all feel incredibly indescibably awkward and nervous in our own home, and thanked my sister profusely but asked that the lady not come back, my mom stopped calling me for over 3 weeks because she deduced that since the cleaning lady was of a different racial background than we are, that I therefore taught my children to be racist. But beyond all this initial flurry of drama and bizarre misery, I, like too many other newly postpartum women especially those who have been unmercifully sleep deprived, endured major abdominal surgery, and especially those who have other children at home who need care, was all alone all day long. This is unnaceptable. I could not feel more strongly about any other subject matter. It tears at my soul. this abandoning of new mothers is absolutely unacceptable and across the board unheard of in any other developing, third world or developed nations. But ooooh boy are we shocked and concerned when postpartum psychoses set in, huh...?

What I needed, of course, was my husband--- and this familial support is what we all have a right to, in theory, the free use of the Family and Medical Leave Act. As long as you have over 50 employees at your place of work and you have been there a year or more, you are entitled to up to TWELVE WEEKS unpaid (hey what did you expect this ain't Sweden) leave for anything like birth, caring for a family member, adoption, death, illness, etc. Except if you try to use this, you will most likely get fired.

Makes me wanna sing the star spangled banner just a little more off key at the next ballgame. It will be my secret.
I do hate America. or at least how we treat our women and children and families. Please understand this.Hate is not a family value. This has been a gay support cry for a while but it applies to everyone.

So, with all this knowledge, why would I expect a rally for my imagined recreational sports injuries?

So I am afraid. Afraid to go curling, afraid to roller blade, worried when we sledded. I feel so valued and so terribly vulnerable. For a headstrong experimental feet-first Aries, this is hard for me. I dont want to do the wise thing. I dont want to plan. I hate the Small Details.I want to have a blast. But I worry.
I guess this is true for everyone, we're all one slip on a grape away from utter destituion and ultimate demise.
What would happen to your life if you slipped on the grapes?
and my point:
what can we be doing to prepare for it?